Disclaimer: Works eligible were those created and completed before nominations closed back in March of 1999. The Plato Awards were designed as part of the 10th anniversary celebration for the Rescue Rangers, and thus there is no current plans to make this a yearly event. Nominations for each category were selected by an open, public poll, with the top five nominees making it to the final round. A pre-selected Board of Nuttees, in a secret ballot, voted for a first, second, and third place in each category. Winners were those with the highest point total. I abstained from the final voting process. The RRDatabase is not pretentious enough (yet) to claim that the Platos are the highest honor to bestowed upon Ranger works -- they are just the Database’s way of thanking all those who put in their free time to keep the Rangers alive and well in the ether. Note on the script format: To those who write scripts all the time, yes, I know this doesn’t follow standard script formats. But I’m not really concerned about it, as A) this’ll never be made into an actual show, B) I’ve yet to see two scriptwriter’s agree on what the “standard” format is, and most of all, C) the whole point was to have fun with it. Hah! Still, I tried to follow the guidelines that I knew of, so it shouldn’t be too offensive to your trained eyes. Note to contributing writers: I had to do some style editing with all submissions in order to keep the script format in order, and to keep a general sense of continuity. I worked to leave the actual dialogue unmodified whenever possible, however. Enough with the exposition. Let’s have some fun. --Matt Plotecher [FADE IN] [INT -- RANGER COFFEEHOUSE -- THEATER] [The Coffeehouse has been converted/remodeled/whatever, to accommodate the ceremony in a comfortable fashion. It is currently a large room with high ceiling, easily five feet above the floor. The stage is at the back, raised six inches, with the orchestra pit in front. Two podiums have been set up on opposite sides of the stage, a small viewscreen over each one on the back wall. The curtain is currently raised, so the huge screen on the back wall of the stage can clearly been seen. Several rows of seats are in front, slowly being filled as people continue to arrive from outside. Near the entrance, a bar is against one wall, and down at one end is a small restaurant-style seating area with tables and booths.] NARRATOR: [V.O.] Ladies and gentlemen, the staff of the Platos presentation crew warmly welcomes you to the humble pre-show, and thanks you all for tuning us in tonight. And now, we switch you to your M.C. for the evening. [CUT TO] [INT -- RANGER COFFEEHOUSE -- BACKSTAGE] [OSCAR, a mouse wearing a stylish tux, is standing behind the wall, where a number of stagehands are walking to and fro, getting things ready for the actual show. OSCAR smiles and waves to us.] OSCAR: Hello, everyone! My name is Oscar, and I’ll be your host for this evening’s entertainment. I’m standing backstage here at the Ranger Coffeehouse, which has undergone some changes to host the Platos, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. The crew is putting on the final touches for tonight’s show, which promises to be full of surprises and fun. [A loud crashing noise is heard offstage. OSCAR winces, but continues to smile.] OSCAR: I can guarantee the surprises, trust me. Let’s switch to the entrance, and see who some of tonight’s guests are. [Pause. He then looks past the camera, frowning, and addresses the crew.] OSCAR: Stupid sub-moronic dolts! Can’t you use your brains for anything besides fungus growth? I told you to hold off of the work until we were clear! You idiots risked-- [He stops, glancing just off-center of the camera, to the camera operator, apparently.] OSCAR: [worried] What do you mean we’re not clear yet? [CUT TO] [INT -- RANGER COFFEEHOUSE -- ENTRANCE] [We see EMMY, a female squirrel, standing off to the side of the entrance to the Coffeehouse, which has a wide, red carpet leading from the doorway. EMMY is wearing a strapless, red sequined gown, has her long blonde hair done up in a stylish bun, and is carrying a small microphone. She smiles disarmingly at us.] EMMY: Hi everyone! This is Emmy here, and I have to admit, that was a great little joke that Oscar just played on us, wouldn’t you say? [She gives us a broad grin and a wink, and hopes for the best.] EMMY: [cont’d] Here by the entrance of the coffeehouse, I’ve had the opportunity to watch the guests to this exciting occasion arrive in all manner of fashion, or lack thereof. Fortunately, most of the nominees seem to be properly dressed for the event. [She turns to look down the walkway, while the camera TRUCKS IN over her shoulder to close in on KAN SUNE, escorted by AN THAM SUN. KAN is wearing a long, traditional kimono, while THAM is bedecked in a simple, if stylish, formal martial artist ensemble. He wears a sash with his clan’s crest tastefully embroidered over the section which covers his heart.] EMMY: [cont’d] Speaking of which, from here I can see Kan Sune and An Tham Sun approaching. Let’s see if we can flag them down for a quick chat, shall we? Oh Miss Sune! Mr. Sun! Do you have a minute? [KAN and THAM start, then glance over to EMMY. THAM looks a bit uninterested at the notion of a “chat”, but KAN gently tugs on his arm, leading him over with her to speak with EMMY. The camera TRUCKS OUT a bit to include all three of them.] EMMY: [smiling warmly] Thanks for stopping by, you two. KAN: Glad to. [THAM merely nods politely.] EMMY: So tell us, Kan, what have you and Tham been up to since _Fly to the Light_? KAN: Oh, the usual, Emmy. I’ve starting working again as a diver, a job I had back when I was younger. EMMY: [actually interested] Really? KAN: I mostly dive for various plants, lost items, or to help with some exploration of the lesser known rodent coastlines. EMMY: Any pearl diving? KAN: Oh, no! I would never dream of stealing pearls from those nice oysters! Besides, most of them willingly trade their pearls away for more practical things. EMMY: Uh... what *is* practical for an oyster? KAN: Mostly book club memberships. Things can get boring in the ocean at times. EMMY: [puzzled] But how do they turn the pages? KAN: [straight-faced] That’s what mussels are for. [EMMY slowly closes her eyes, silently counts to ten, then opens her eyes again and smiles, having absorbed most of the pain. She turns to THAM.] EMMY: And you, Tham? Busy with your new clan -- the Sun Clan, correct? [THAM pauses before answering her, apparently not having counted on having to endure any interviews.] THAM: Yes. [EMMY waits expectantly, but THAM remains quiet. After a few moments, EMMY coughs politely.] EMMY: Uh, you must be excited about tonight. Your first fanfic appearance, _Fly to the Light_, was nominated for Best Story. [THAM shrugs.] THAM: A tale is but only as worthy as the power with which it conveys some truth of our souls and their interaction with the spirits that surround us on a daily basis. [Pause.] EMMY: What? THAM: [sighing] I mean, yes, I am dancing with joy at such news. Please forgive my indulgence in displaying this pure, unbridled bliss unchecked. [She glances between THAM and KAN, but THAM appears to be completely serious.] EMMY: Sure... no problem. [she glances at her wrist, pretending that there’s a watch there] Oh my, look at the time! Thank you both and best of luck to you. [THAM nods briskly, and KAN smiles and waves as they move on to the seating area. EMMY looks back at the camera and smiles widely, her normal buoyancy lifting her back into “bubbly” mode. The next in through the door are JUERGEN, wearing a tuxedo and a white Captain's hat, carrying GIMCRACK, in overalls and a striped shirt, and WIDGET HACKWRENCH, in an evening gown with sleeves. EMMY skips up. WIDGET formally hands over their invitations.] EMMY: And you are...? WIDGET H: The Hackwrench-Juergens from the Nowak continuity. I'm Widget Hackwrench, Gadget's Byronic twin, this is the captain of the SRV _Albacore_, my husband Juergen, and our son -- EMMY: Gimcrack, of course. [She leans close to Gimcrack and starts making a "goo-goo" face to Gimcrack's obvious disgust.] And what a cute ittle baby he -- [GIMCRACK snarls and lunges forward, spitting like a cat. EMMY jerks back, astonished.] JUERGEN: [Apologetically, while pulling Gimcrack back slightly] I'm sorry, he hates it when strangers patronize him. EMMY: [Dry voice] Uhm... yeah. JUERGEN: We had thought about leaving him at home with a babysitter, as this may be dull for him, but it was pointed out to us that he was part of the nomination for Best Interaction. EMMY: That’s right -- from _Icarus_, with his mother and aunt. Did Gadget remind you of this? WIDGET: No -- he did. EMMY: Who did? WIDGET: Gimcrack. EMMY: [not sure she understood that] Beg pardon? WIDGET: [obviously on her best behavior] Gimcrack pointed out his attendance would be expected as a nominee. [EMMY’S mouth moves up and down a few times, then gives a “why fight it?” smile and nods.] EMMY: Well, I’m glad he did attend. He’s such a darling-- [GIMCRACK growls.] EMMY: [stepping out of range] Er, such a well-groomed young man, I mean. He certainly looks the part of a nominee in his, uh, Osh-Gosh Bee- Gosh overalls. WIDGET: [proudly] Doesn’t he? [They move on into the theater as EMMY watches them go in mild wonder. The next pair come half-running through the main doors, heading for the main theater, and are a sight to see. LAWINEE LAIT is wearing long evening dress, dark-lavender in color, with a small black belt and matching high-heeled shoes. Her left hand is sporting a lavender glove, while she attempts to adjust the right one while she runs. Her long, golden hair is in a slight disarray, but held together with a few concealed pins and some bright orchids. Following right behind her is ALEX MCDOUGAL. Like most men escorting a lady, he has the manly responsible of carrying her purse for her. He’s wearing a black tux, white shirt and black butterfly-tie. EMMY starts to approach them.] ALEX: [resigned] We will be late. LAWINEE: We won’t. [struggles with her glove] Stupid piece of-- ALEX: Lawinee! [EMMY stops short. She blinks as her natural instinct to survive kicks in and warns her of the dangers of approaching an active volcano. Especially a female one.] LAWINEE: [growling at her glove] Crap! By name of Pele, why do they want me stuffed into this idiocy?! I can’t even move! [LAWINEE, in frustration, stops to catch her breath. EMMY shows true wisdom and carefully backs out of the direct line of fire.] ALEX: I could guess, but you wouldn’t like it. LAWINEE: Keep your thoughts to yourself, if want to sleep on the bed tomorrow. ALEX: Not tonight? LAWINEE: You plan sleep at all tonight? Alex, they’ll party ‘till morning, and *I* won’t be one to miss it! [The pair begin a slow walk towards the main theater, as solid as can be. EMMY pokes her head out from behind a potted plant after they leave.] EMMY: Coast clear? [She carefully steps back into line of sight of the arriving guests, straightening out her dress and mumbling something about hazard pay. She glances up to the doors.] EMMY: Hmm, there appears to be a slight lapse between arrivals-- [Suddenly a slashing hole opens in front of her, startling her into a reflexive jump and yelp combo. A credit to her profession, though, she regains her composure quickly.] EMMY: [to the camera] Perhaps I spoke too soon. [KUWANI and CHIPPER step through and the opening closes behind them. KUWANI has shrunken down so she is rodent-sized tonight. She is wearing a sleeveless blue dress tunic which seems to shimmer and has a low neckline. An ornate dagger hangs from her slim, golden belt. Her bracers adorn her forearms, as usual. She sees EMMY and flashes an impish grin. CHIPPER is wearing silken Jedi robes, with his lightsaber hanging from his belt.] EMMY: [cont’d] It’s Kuwani Kulinari and Chipper the JediChipmunk! [Holds the microphone to them, giving them a knowing grin.] So tell us Chipper, just how serious is it between you two? CHIPPER: [smiling] I would have to say... [darts a quick look at KUWANI and she takes his arm] Serious. EMMY: Any predictions about the awards tonight? KUWANI: Er, predictions aren't really my thing. With all the good nominations, I think some of the categories will be very close. EMMY: So Chipper, how about a demonstration of those Jedi skills? [He shrugs and holds out his free hand; a glass of champagne floats off of a passing waiter’s tray and glides gently into his outstretched hand. He hands it to KUWANI, who accepts it with and nod and sips it.] CHIPPER: Is that what you had in mind? EMMY: Yes -- very impressive! CHIPPER: It’s a hit at parties. EMMY: [smoothly] Tell us Kuwani. Just what *is* it like dating a force- wielding Jedi? KUWANI: Its nice to have someone who can keep up with me, even when he’s only one tenth my size. CHIPPER: Size matters not. Or so Master Skywalker tells me. [KUWANI giggles and grins impishly, but declines on sharing the thought that ran through her head.] EMMY: Thank you for your time. [They go inside.] EMMY: [mumbles] And for your discretion. [Next through the door is NATASHA KASHEFIPOUR, followed closely behind by FAITH FORRESTER. NATASHA is grumbling a bit, while FAITH seems to be in good spirits, glancing about the Coffeehouse and various patrons. NATASHA is in a new light blue, flowered skirt and short-sleeved white blouse, and seems faintly annoyed by it. EMMY grins widely and heads over to her.] EMMY: [delighted] Natasha! I’m so glad you could make it! [NATASHA glances over at EMMY, and manages an affable smile.] NATASHA: I’m sorry, have we met? EMMY: Not until now, but your reputation proceeds you, Nat. First, I must say you look lovely this evening. Really a nice outfit you have on. NATASHA: Thanks. Truth is that it makes me feel a bit awkward. I have never been one for dressy clothes. Much like Gadget, I would have worn something casual if I could, but I understood the importance of the Platos and the need for formal clothes. EMMY: [giggling] Too bad Gadget didn’t; she’s still in her coveralls. But being one of the main guests of honor, she’s allowed a degree of latitude in the dress code. NATASHA: I like dresses, just not when *I* have to wear them. The nice thing about jeans and T-shirts is that you don’t have to worry about getting caught on a bush or something when you approach this place. EMMY: I never thought of that before. Of course, I’ve never been on the outside of the Coffeehouse before, so maybe it’s not too surprising. [FAITH tugs at NATASHA’S skirt.] NATASHA: [not really paying attention to the hare] Huh? FAITH: I'm thirsty, how about a carrot soda? NATASHA: [sighing] C'mon, Faith, I'm nearly broke! FAITH: You always say that, now come on! [NATASHA gives in and walks towards the bar with a sigh. EMMY waves to them as they leave.] EMMY: Don’t worry, Nat, you get a few free drinks tonight! [EMMY turns to face the camera.] EMMY: And that’s the way it goes. Let’s rejoin the stage area, and take a look at how pleasantly and friendly tonight’s members of the orchestra are, no doubt conversing amongst themselves. [CUT TO: ORCHESTRA PIT] [PAN over the orchestra pit as various musicians tune their instruments and go over their music sheets. Stop on SKIP and BENNY (a mouse) who are making their way to their chairs. SKIP carries his trumpet, while BENNY has a clarinet. They look as if they are in the middle of some tiff. BENNY makes a comment we aren’t able to make out. Which seems to be for the best.] SKIP: [bristling] Oh yeah? Well, just remember that the brass section can do everything that you woodwinds can do -- louder and better! BENNY: Overblown brass windbag! SKIP: Flimsy woodwind wimp! BENNY: [snarling] Gag on my used reed! SKIP: [growling] Suck on my spit valve! [They glower at each other for a moment, not moving. Then SKIP looks at BENNY with an interested expression.] SKIP: [honestly] I’d be delighted if you’d consider joining my band. We’ve been looking for a talented clarinet player for a while, now. BENNY: [equally honestly] I’m flattered, thank you -- I’ll stop by your next rehearsal. Tuesday night, right? SKIP: Right. [They shake hands respectfully and sit down in their chairs peacefully.] [CUT TO] [INT -- RANGER COFFEEHOUSE -- BACKSTAGE] [OSCAR shakes his head in puzzlement.] OSCAR: Musicians are strange people. Well, things are just about ready here. Normally we would go to commercials, but seeing as how nobody would pay us to be included in this show, we shall, instead, go to a “Quote Break”, and enjoy what numerous Rangerphiles submitted as their favorite quotes. But before we do, let us take this moment to remind you that the Coffeehouse still has its world-renown cafe and bar at the ceremony, so be sure to enjoy a refreshing beverage or plate of tempting morsels if you get a chance. Our courteous and efficient staff is ready and eager to provide you with the ultimate dining experience... to the point of it being a classifiable mental disorder, if you ask me. [CUT TO] [INT -- RANGER COFFEEHOUSE -- CAFE & BAR] JIFFY: Hello, and welcome to the Ranger Coffeehouse, where the elite meet to enjoy some tickety-boo food, terrific conversation, and the best decor east of the Rockies. I'm Jiffy, and I'll be you waiter for this OH MY GOD! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! [JIFFY ducks behind bar as the RESCUE RANGERS wander by, oblivious to the terror in their wake. He pokes his head back up.] JIFFY: [cont’d] My God, that was close. But they might come back. They might return, thirsty for blood, hungry for pain, eager to rip and claw... [JIFFY breaks out of his own little world, looks around, sees several customers are staring at him curiously.] HAWNURRA: [smacking his lips] Do you really serve blood and pain? JIFFY: ...I'm afraid not. But I can get you a nice slice of baked potato. It's, er, kind of painful, if you consider the eyes and all... HAWNURRA: [disappointed] But no blood, then? JIFFY: Well... [PAN over towards the bar; MEL is tending it. NATASHA and FAITH approach.] NATASHA: Yeah... um, do you have any carrot soda? MEL: Coming up! [MEL pulls out a bottle of Faego brand soda pop with a large carrot on the label. He deftly twists the cap off and pours it into a tall glass. An expert flick of his wrist and the beverage has two thin stir straws and one long clear straw inserted, and is then slid down the bar, coming to a stop right in front of NATASHA, who takes it blandly and hands it to FAITH.] NATASHA: I don't know how you can drink that stuff. It's disgusting. [NATASHA makes a retching motion -- MEL looks annoyed at this. FAITH ignores her and sips the vegetable-laden beverage happily as the two leave to find their seats.] [FADE OUT] [START QUOTE BREAK] >Gadget flashed Chip a single, hate-filled glance before bursting >into tears. CROW: Oh, I get it! John Nowak is really Julie Bihn! --MiSTing of _Under the Bridge_, John Nowak and Matt Plotecher * * * * * "Dale. Shutteth up." quoth Robin Chip, and he bonketh him on the noggin. --_A Syllabus of Comedies_, Roy Neal Grissom * * * * * "You're right, Gadget," Chip reluctantly agreed. "But I just want you to listen to me, Gadget Hackwrench. I think you're the most incredible person I've ever met. I love you, and I know that somewhere, deep inside of yourself, you feel the same. If you don't want to admit it right now, fine. If you want to wait until next week, or even next year, I'm okay with that. But I want you to understand that I've always loved you, and I always will. Gadget, I love you with every bit of my soul." Gadget simply took in everything he said, then embraced him. "Chip...I love you, too." And the two shared a singular, emotional, passionate kiss that sealed their feelings there on the spot. It was Gadget's first kiss, and she could never remember when she had felt such a feeling of affection for anyone since her father. For the new couple, they knew there was no denying their feelings for each other anymore. When they parted, the couple looked out to the horizon. "You're right, Chip; it is beautiful." --_The Dark Savior Saga_, Stephan T. Stone * * * * * GADGET: Oh, right! Ahem, er, eek. Help. Eek. Eeek. Yipes. Golly this is frightening, but rather fascinating from an analytical standpoint. --_Trite Fright Night_, Matt Plotecher * * * * * "After hearing such great news, I suddenly felt like taking a spontaneous nap on the ground, and that's exactly what I did." --_Wolfsbane_, B&M [END QUOTE BREAK] [FADE IN] [INT -- RANGER COFFEEHOUSE -- THEATER] [The stage lights are dimmed. Orchestra strikes up a stirring instrumental rendition of the Rescue Rangers theme.] NARRATOR: [V.O.] Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the presentation of the Platos! [Audience begins to clap, and continues throughout the rest of the NARRATOR’S greeting.] NARRATOR: [V.O.] The Platos Presentation is being broadcast live from the Ranger Coffeehouse, in full-surround imagination and high- output dreamscapes! Included on tonight’s program are presentations from Chip & Dale, Monterey Jack & Zipper, Gadget, Fat Cat, Professor Norton Nimnul, Foxglove, Queenie, Sewernose De Bergerac, Jolly Roger, Canina La Furre, Tammy, Cassandra, and many, many more from the series! Also joining us from numerous fan creations will be Erick Rosebush, Wescott Vance Atticas, Faith Ann Forrestor, Lawainee Lait, Alex McDugal, and Shadow, just to name a few! Surprises and fun are packed fully in, so sit back and relax as we celebrate the tenth anniversary of the Rescue Rangers in style! [The stage lights rise as OSCAR strides out onto stage, smiling and cheerfully waving.] And here’s your host for tonight, brought in especially for this extra-special event -- Oscar! [OSCAR moves to center stage and waits for the applause to die down. ANGLE -- from the stage, behind OSCAR, we can see the full auditorium, packed with characters from every episode and fanfic. Throwaway characters at home point at the screen and say, “Hey, I worked with that one over there!”] [CUT BACK to OSCAR at center stage as the audience quiets down.] OSCAR: Welcome, one and all, young and old, furry and chitinous, and all those in between, to the Platos! For those of you just joining us, please read the disclaimer above, so that I don’t have to repeat all the that dull information. [He waits for a few moments until all the stragglers have read up and returned.] OSCAR: [cont’d] Now, we have a fair share of Platos to hand out, and to keep the show from going on too long, let’s get started right now. We open tonight’s presentation ceremony with a speech from the award’s namesake. Big round of applause, now, for the P.D.’s best K-9: Plato, himself! [Roaring applause as the curtains part, and PLATO walks to the center of the stage with a quiet air of dignity. The audience quiets down after a few moments, and the camera CUTS IN on PLATO, who is dressed in a tuxedo top. He nods pleasantly to us and begins.] PLATO: Fellow believers in justice, honored guests, beloved characters; I gave Chip and Dale a badge ten years ago. While they were small enough to bring new meaning to the phrase, “using the badge as a shield” [chuckling from the audience], the bequeathing of it was actually a symbol of a the transition between eras. The passing of the torch, if you will. I was retiring that day, but those in need of help were not. Chip and Dale -- along with their newfound teammates and trusted friends, Monterey Jack, Zipper, and Gadget -- gladly took the responsibly on their own shoulders, deceptively strong for their size. I would never have dreamed that one decade later, I would be standing here now, to act as a legal witness, of sorts, to another transition of eras. The era of scattered creations of Ranger-related works is coming to a close, my friends. Here, on the dawn of the next decade of Ranger fandom, I foresee it evolving into the next stage -- the era of true Ranger Culture. Ranger creations -- such as fanfictions, artwork, and websites -- are being enjoyed by more and more people who are not, by definition, Rangerphiles. Indeed, a growing number of people who were not even fans of the original show are starting to recognize the quality of so many works made by Rangerphiles. I don’t say this to sound elitist, but to point out how far we have come from the early days, when the Internet was still just an oddity talked about in classrooms and news columns. Ranger fiction has grown to include examinations into morality, responsibility, and supremacists. Ranger art has been tackled in nearly all forms, from traditional pen and ink drawings to modern three-dimensional renderings. Ranger websites have grown in number to tackle every aspect of the Rangers, whether it be series-related or fanfic-based. Our community is small here on the ‘Net. But, as Zipper will be the first to point out, just because you’re small doesn’t mean you pack a heck of a punch. [Light laughter from the crowd.] PLATO: [cont’d] Keep in mind, tonight, that this is merely a recognition of the people who ever had the desire, the drive, and the determination, to keep the Rangers alive in their hearts. For when we strive to do something for the benefit of others, that is when the spirit of the Rangers truly lives. Thank you, everyone, for coming tonight, and for making all this possible. Enjoy your show. [He bows to the crowd and quietly leaves as the audience applauds and cheers. WIDE ANGLE -- OSCAR walks on from the backstage, still clapping with the audience. The camera CUTS IN, perfectly timed to catch him wipe a single tear away from his eye. Smiling, OSCAR faces the camera.] OSCAR: The last Plato that will be presented tonight is the one for Honorary Ranger, awarded to the person whom has shown a tremendous amount of love, enthusiasm, and dedication for the Rangers. Not only in fan-related activities, but also in everyday life. Throughout the night, we shall give a short address on each of the five nominees, and their contributions to the Rangerphile community, both online as well as in so-called “Real Life”. Please welcome our first guest speaker, Zipper, as he introduces us with the our first nominee. [Applause, and ZIPPER flies over and lands on top of the podium, dressed sharply in his custom-made tuxedo. CUT IN. He grins widely in greeting to the assembled crowd and waves. As the audience quiets down, he begins to squeak and buzz thoughtfully; which, of course, no one has the slightest clue as to what it means. He continues on, unaware of this slight oversight.] OSCAR: [O.S.] ...told you not to trust all the hasty rewiring down around here! ... Don’t talk to me about excuses, Frank; there is no excuse for you. ... Look, just affix this electrode here. Here, put your finger on it-- [SFX: BRZZZT!] GAAHH! [ZIPPER, who is still making his “speech”, doesn’t notice any of this, but at last the subtitler comes on.] ZIPPER: [subtitled] ...and so, looking back on it, it’s not hard to see why Robert Hollingshead’s contributions, such as the previously mentioned TAOGH series, garnered him the public support to be nominated for this category. [ZIPPER smiles and nods in closing, then flies off backstage. The applause starts a bit unsurely, but eventually gains its normal proportions. CUT BACK to OSCAR, who is brushing small patches of soot from his suit. Fortunately, they blend in with the black tux.] OSCAR: Ahem. Yes. Well, while that didn’t go *exactly* as planned... [he glares at someone backstage] ...I’m sure we all appreciated Zipper’s well-crafted and eloquent speech. Or would have, at least. And I have too much dignity to make a pun referring to working the bugs out of the system, either. [Loud applause.] OSCAR: Thank you. And now, let’s get the actual presentations rolling with a quote from John Nowak’s _Icarus_ -- one that perfectly sets the stage for the Platos awarded for artwork. [The curtains part, and the camera ZOOMS IN on the large screen on the back of the stage. The blank screen shows the “clip” which OSCAR mentioned:] "Okay, kid, you're almost three weeks old now and it's about time you got exposed to what mommy does for a living." Widget hefted a pencil and waved it. Gimcrack's eyes followed it seriously. "This is a pencil, graphite, a Ticonderoga Number Two. It is your friend. Treat it as such. You'll need a lot of them. It's traditional. "On this end, there's a pink rubber eraser. Notice it is intact and clean. You never use a pink rubber eraser. They're for the weak and feeble and marketers. Instead, you use a white plastic eraser. That is how you prove to the world you know your pencil.” [On the large screen, the word “Artwork” X-DISSOLVES IN. The camera then CUTS BACK to OSCAR.] OSCAR: Our first presenter is one of the first guest characters to appear in the actual series, and was also one of the first supporting characters to develop a following of her own, as well. Let’s all give a warm welcome for this spirited squirrel; Tammy! [Applause as Tammy steps from backstage, walking over to the podium on the left. The orchestra plays “The Fat Cat Stomp” as her accompanying music. She’s wearing a modest evening gown, and her braid is draped over one of her shoulders. She smiles and waves to the crowd, blushing slightly.] [CUT IN] TAMMY: As one of the characters from the earliest episodes on the Disney Channel, I can be the “first” to vouch for the importance of having a good starting point. The nominees for our first event, Best Black & White Image -- Line Art, are proof that in order to move on to more ambitious works, one must first master the basic art of general composition and line placement. The nominees are... [As TAMMY reads each nominee, the image shows up on the small screen above her; this procedure is repeated for each of the following art categories.] TAMMY: “I’m down the hallway”, by Matt Plotecher [Applause.] TAMMY: logo.GIF, by Charles Williams [Applause.] TAMMY: “May I have this chance?”, Matt Plotecher [Applause.] TAMMY: “Say G’Night, Mate!”, Matt Plotecher [Applause.] TAMMY: “Shhh....”, Matt Plotecher [Applause.] TAMMY: And the winner is... [She pauses dramatically, then carefully opens the envelope and reads it.] TAMMY: [excited] ...logo.GIF -- Foxglove for the Bat Conservation International -- by Charles Williams! [Thunderous applause. CUT TO the ceiling (from which hang dozens of bats) where FOXGLOVE squeals in delight. RUFUS and OTIS, on either side of her, wince at it, for once not-too-happy for their superior hearing. CUT BACK to the whole auditorium as FOXGLOVE detaches from the ceiling and glides down to join TAMMY onstage. CUT IN to them both behind the podium. FOXGLOVE and TAMMY hug each other tightly, then FOXGLOVE steps up to the podium.] FOXGLOVE: Since Charles isn’t here tonight, I’ll happily accept this on his behalf. And thanks! I never thought I’d make a good cover- girl, but Charles was insistent! Thanks, Charles, and thank you, everyone! [She waves, and walks backstage with TAMMY. CUT TO the middle of the stage, where OSCAR is clapping. He stops and looks at the camera with his showmanship smile on full.] OSCAR: To present our next Plato, we have a person whose entire life deals with tracking down lost treasures such as those being shown tonight. Ladies and gentleman, put your hands, paws, and various other appendages together for the scourge of the seven small seas, Jolly Roger! [The orchestra strikes up “Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate’s Life for Me” from the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction in Disneyland. JOLLY ROGER saunters to the podium on the right amidst the applause, adjusts his eyepatch, and begins to speak.] JOLLY ROGER: In all me years as a seafarin’ an’ swashbulkin’ Pi-Rat, I’ve seen ‘undred’s o’ thousands of treasure to make yer eyes pop and yer blood pump. An’ still, in all o’ those gold doubloons, ruby-studded crowns, an’ other color-filled booty, they still can’t snag the certain air o’ elegance that the “classic” black an’ white works ‘ave, particularly those of shaded tones -- the greyscales. Me ‘earties, this ‘ere Plato is fer the greyscale work that upholds the timelessness of the medium. Yon nominees are... [cheers and applause as he reads each nominee -- this is repeated for the rest of the awards ceremony] ... Gadget Reclinin’, by Liz Kalter ... Gunsmith Mice, by ‘erwig' ’arry' Bartalszky ... Pirats' Bride, also by ‘earwig' ’arry' Bartalszky.... [He pauses and glances up at the screen behind him.] JOLLY ROGER: [nodding appreciably] Aye, there’n lies a treasure. Shiver me timbers, but she’d make a fine crew member, eh? [The audience chuckles. He turns back to the Teleprompter.] JOLLY ROGER: Back to the nominees: “Uh, Gadget? You can ‘it us with that teleportation spell any time now!”, by Matt Plotecher ... When the Chips are down...., also by that Matt Landlubber-- er, Plotecher. Sorry matey, me eyes ain’t as sharp as me sword. Bit ‘n parcel of the eyepatch motif. An’ the win’er is... [He opens the envelope and reads from it.] JOLLY ROGER: Gadget Reclinin’, by Liz Kalter! [Loud applause and cheering. JOLLY ROGER grins, then speaks as the cheers die down.] JOLLY ROGER: Seein’ as how Ms. Kalter ain’t with us this eve, I’ll be surein ‘appy to accept this ‘ere award for ‘er. [He takes the award and walks backstage. CUT BACK to OSCAR, who looks a trifle worried.] OSCAR: I just hope he remembers that it’s not something for his loot pile.... [he shrugs, and turns to face the camera] We’re fortunate that our next guest could show up, as his line of work means that he be available for duty at a moment’s notice. Let’s all thank Erick Rosebush for agreeing to help out tonight! [More applause from the audience, with the “Get Smart” theme being played from the orchestra pit. ERICK strides purposefully up to the podium and nods a respectful greeting.] ERICK: The Plato for Best Flat Image -- Colored is meant to recognize those works that could be a still from the series itself, inviting the viewer to imagine what type of scene the image could have come from. This type of non-shading coloration is easy to learn, but difficult to master. Thus, let us look at some masters work. The nominations are: afdlfx01.gif, by Bryan Moe ... Geegaw_and_Gadget.gif, by Murad Ismailov ... The Kiss -- Colored, by Matt Plotecher (drawing) and Chip Lundsmark (coloring) ... Rollers.gif, by Murad Ismailov ... Sharing A Memory -- Colored, by Matt Plotecher (drawing) and Chip Lundsmark (coloring). [ERICK smiles as he deftly opens the envelope and reads it aloud.] ERICK: And the winner is... The Kiss -- Colored by Matt Plotecher and Chip Lundsmark! [much cheering and clapping] Since Matt can’t join us on stage.... [ERICK blinks at the Teleprompter, and looks about, slightly confused] ERICK: [cont’d] ...don’t ask me why... [Returns his attention to the Teleprompter.] ERICK: [cont’d] ...and because Chip Lundsmark couldn't be with us tonight, Chipper the JediChipmunk will be accepting the award on behalf of his close friend. [The “Star Wars Theme” is played as Chipper climbs the steps and walks up to the microphone.] CHIPPER: I am happy to accept this award on behalf of Chip and Matt. Chip is sorry he can't be with us tonight, but he is, as always, with us in heart. Chip wanted to make sure a few things were said [unfolds a small piece of paper] I would like to first of all thank Matt for drawing this picture in the first place and finding space on his database to post it. I would also like to thank my mom for going online a while back so I could find so many kindred spirits. Thank you for this award, I am honored. [Takes the award and walks offstage.] [CUT BACK to center stage.] OSCAR: Here to the present the Plato for Best Colored Image -- Rendered, let’s all welcome the rabbit with regality, the bunny with beauty, the hare with hugs for all; Miss Faith Forrestor! [Applause as Faith hops up to the podium, speech cards in hand while the orchestra plays the a swinging version of “The Bunny Hop”. Pushing a floppy ear out of the way, she clears her throat and begins to read.] FAITH: Next up is the nominations for Best Colored Image -- Rendered. The nominees are: Charles Williams for his Deepsea picture ... Herwig "Harry" Bartalszky for Young Gadget ... Matt Plotecher for Look at the Moon ... J.L. Solis for his R.O.A.R picture ... and Charles Williams for his Foxglove Tapestry. [The gray hare shuffles her cards once again.] FAITH: And the final winner for Best Colored Image -- Rendered is... Charles Williams for his "Foxglove Tapestry!" [Much applause and cheering. FOXGLOVE swoops down from the ceiling again, giving a hug to FAITH and then stepping up to podium.] FOXGLOVE: Wow! It’s been a great night, and it’s just started! I accept this award on behalf of Charles, and I’m sure he’d want to thank everyone for their support, just like me, so... thanks everyone! [She grins and waves, then heads backstage. CUT BACK to OSCAR.] OSCAR: Now let’s all give a warm greeting for someone is no stranger to the stage, or to the sewer system -- you know him, you love him, you fear his singing voice; it’s Sewernose de Bergerac! [SEWERNOSE, dressed in his operatic costume, strides to the podium -- thanks to the Coffeehouse’s warping of time and space, it’s just the right size -- to the applause and the orchestra’s rendition of “Phantom of the Opera”.] SEWERNOSE: The truly masterful portraits are those that do more than merely provide a countenance of a character, but manage to capture the very essence, the very spirit of the character’s personality, as well as the appearance. The nominees for Best Portrait have achieved that elusive trait, and they are: Deepsea.jpg, by Charles Williams ... Gadget Reclining, by Liz Kalter ... Geegaw_and_Gadget.gif, by Murad Ismailov, also known as “We will fly together someday” ... “Pistachio!”, by Matt Plotecher ... tapestry.jpg, Charles Williams. [SEWERNOSE withdraws the envelope from his jacket and elegantly swipes a claw over the top, then removes the card within.] SEWERNOSE: And the winner is Gadget Reclining, by Liz Kalter. [Much applause and cheering.] SEWERNOSE: As Ms. Kalter is not with us tonight, I accept this marvelous award on her behalf. [He turns and walks backstage. CUT BACK to OSCAR.] OSCAR: And who says that Sewernose never got an award? Well, actually, our next presenter probably could have told us that. But then, she could tell us anything about the future, past and present if she wanted. Please help me in welcoming Cassandra, the Fortune- Telling Gypsy Moth! [CASSANDRA gracefully flies down from above to the generous applause. She smiles at the orchestra pit, who have chosen to play the Crash Test Dummies’ “The Physic” for her.] CASSANDRA: People have often queried what types of strange and abnormal visions visit me in my trances, for I describe known people and places in cryptic words and extraordinary settings. But such images have always been easy for all to see. Best Dressing recognizes the works which take the Rangers and transports them to a parallel universe, if you will, where the only limits to the possibilities are the artist’s imagination. The nominees are: GadgetStar_js.jpg, by J.L. Solis ... Gadget, Warrior Rodent, by Karen Molliet ... hornette.JPG, by Charles Williams ... Pirats' Bride, by Herwig 'Harry' Bartalszky ... When You're a mathematician, it takes all the fun out of it._, by Matt Plotecher. [A stagehand walks over and hands her the envelope.] CASSANDRA: Thank you, dear. [she is about to open it, then smiles.] Oh, wait. Let me play this up right. [She holds the envelope to her forehead and closes her eyes, a look of concentration on her features.] CASSANDRA: [solemnly] I foresee that this envelope contains the name of the Plato recipient. [She opens her eyes and smiles as the audience laughs, then opens the envelope and removes the card.] CASSANDRA: And the winner is Pirats’ Bride, by Herwig “Harry” Bartalszky! [Enthusiastic applause.] CASSANDRA: [cont’d] I accept this award on behalf of Mr. Bartalszky, who was unable to join us tonight. [She smiles at everyone and then flies backstage with the award. CUT TO OSCAR.] OSCAR: Our next guest was kind enough to take the time to join us tonight, despite being -- if you’ll pardon the expression -- busy as a bee. Ladies and gentlemen, Queenie! [QUEENIE elegantly flies down from above, alighting on the podium to the accompaniment of the professional musicians surprisingly good version of “Best Bee for Me”.] QUEENIE: Hello, everyone! I’m here tonight to present the Plato for Best Illustration from/inspired by a Fanfic. This is a particularly special Plato, if you think about it, for it melds the power of a writer’s words with the strength of an artist’s strokes. And as the nominees will show, when done right, the emotion created puts this type of fusion on par with the fusion that happens within a star: powerful and brilliant. Much like myself. So without further ado: “Daddy.”, by Matt Plotecher, from _Fly to the Light_ ... GadgetCat_hb.jpg, by Herwig 'Harry' Bartalszky, from _Rescue Rovers_ ... Geegaw’s Final Flight, by Matt Plotecher, also from _Fly to the Light_ ... Natalie, by Charles Williams, from _Rhyme & Reason_ ... Plats.jpg, by Charles Williams, from _Plots_. [QUEENIE picks up the small envelope on the podium and opens it, reading it.] QUEENIE: And the Plato goes to Natalie, by Charles Williams! Congratulations, Charles! [Wild applause and cheering.] QUEENIE: On behalf of Charles, I will happily accept this award for him. [She curtsies, then flies backstage with the Plato while the camera switches back to OSCAR at the center of the stage.] OSCAR: Quite a few Ranger images are illustrations as well, but depict stories which do not currently exist, inviting the viewer to exercise their imagination as to what the tale might be to produce such an image. Here to present it is the no-nonsense sergeant from the A.P.F., McDugell! [McDUGELL walks from backstage, dressed simply in a sport coat, white button-down shirt, and khaki slacks -- it’s as “formal” as the gruff squirrel ever gets. He nods to the applauding audience, and to the orchestra pit’s version of “Freeze!” from the Killer Instinct soundtrack, complete with police sirens.] McDUGELL: I’m here to present the Plato for Best Illustration -- Solo. The nominees are: “I’m down the hallway.”_, Matt Plotecher ... “How I hate to love you.”, Matt Plotecher ... ROAR.JPG, J.L. Solis ... rootntoo.GIF, Charles Williams ... When the Chips are down...., Matt Plotecher. [McDUGELL proceeds in his straightforward presentation be opening the envelope and reading the winner.] McDUGELL: It goes to “I’m down the hallway.” by Matt Plotecher. On behalf of Matt, who can’t be with us -- uh, sorta -- I’ll accept this award. [He leaves for the backstage. CUT TO:] [OSCAR, applauding slightly off-tempo, still a bit befuddled at the sergeant’s direct presentation. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head, then looks back up to the camera and smiles.] OSCAR: Well... I guess we’re moving right along, so let’s bring out our next guest, a rat-- [He stops, glances backstage as we hear a muffled, yet stern, voice.] OSCAR: [annoyed] Okay, okay, fine! Sheesh, tempers on this artists these days. I meant, let’s bring out our next guest -- an “ar-teest” beyond compare, Mousteir Ratatouille. [Polite applause as Ratatouille arrogantly strides to the podium, the orchestra playing “Meet James Ensor” by They Might Be Giants.] RATATOUILLE: Ah, art! To be ze ar-tist! To know ze ar-tist! To live ze ar-tist! Surely, zis is what we all strive for, no? I am blessing you all with my magnificent presence zis evening-- [O.S., we hear OSCAR gagging.] RATATOUILLE: [cont’d] --in order to present ze Plato for Best Artist! Ze nominees have all shown ze ability to create works of art, so let us meet zem, eh? Zey are: Herwig 'Harry' Bartalszky ... Larry deSouza ... J.L. Solis ... Matt Plotecher ... Charles Williams. And ze winner is... [he opens the envelope and reads the card within] Charles Williams! [Thunderous applause. OSCAR steps up behind the podium, snatching the Plato before RATATOUILLE gets his greedy paws on it. RATATOUILLE huffs and storms off backstage, much to the audience’s delight. OSCAR then turns to the camera and smiles as he withdraws a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolds it.] OSCAR: Ladies and gentleman, I have here a small speech that Charles originally posted at the Acorn Cafe. [he reads from the paper] Words fail me at this moment. It is said that acknowledgment from one's peers is the highest form of compliment. This has been demonstrated to me, now. Nay! I recant that! The Platos are a worthy goal to reach, a testament to the appreciation of The RR Community, but it is only the shine, the glimmer of what was already given to me all those months ago. When I was a neophyte and hoping to bask in the comraderie of an InterNet commune, you took me into your collective bosom and brightened a soon-to-be janitor's day. I always wanted to make people happy with what I can do. Knowing that I could with you all for so long a time, now, is a greater honor than even a Plato could bestow. [OSCAR pauses as the audience applauds strongly, then continues.] OSCAR: [reading] I will accept The Platos with the gratitude that they are worthy of, but I will also keep in my mind and more importantly, in my heart, that even if such an award never existed, the fact that I can read your praises and your requests and fulfill them to the best of my abilities makes me the busiest and happiest person on God's Green Earth. I could not think of a day that would go by that I couldn't think of a way of brightening up your lives with a picture or two. You are indeed, True Friends... May the muses smile upon you! [More applause as OSCAR tucks the note away and smiles to everyone.] OSCAR: [cont’d] I accept this award on Charles behalf tonight, and will put it with the rest he’s already amassed tonight. But first, let’s move on to the final award of the Artwork section. And, as with the award in this section, we’ve saved the best of the presenters for last -- at least, that what she told us. Please welcome Ms. Canina La Furre! [CANINA walks onstage to much clapping and a few (dog) whistles from the back. The orchestra does a wonderful small excerpt from “Hello Dolly” as she takes her place behind the podium.] CANINA: I am presenting the Plato for Best Artwork at this here ceremony. Being a true work of art myself, I know more than anyone that in order to reach this pinnacle of success, the work needs not only to have emotion, craftsmanship, and skill mastered, but also must have a certain intangible aspect that allows it to endure throughout the passage of time. And I do declare that all of the nominees presented here share those traits. They are: GadgetCat_hb.jpg, Herwig 'Harry' Bartalszky ... Gadget Reclining, Liz Kalter ... Geegaw_and_Gadget.gif, Murad Ismailov ... lil_foxy.jpg, Charles Williams ... tapestry.jpg, Charles Williams. [After the audience’s applause quiets down, she continues.] CANINA: [dramatically] The envelope... please.... [she takes the sealed envelope from one of the stagehands, opens it and goes full swing into her theatrics] The winner... is... non other than... the one... the only... OSCAR: [O.S.] ...the Shatner... CANINA: [ignoring him] ...the most famous and respected of all Rescue Ranger images ever made... [...wait for it....] [...wait for it....] [...wait for it....] CANINA: Gadget Reclining, by Liz Kalter!!! [Long, standing ovation. Even though she’s the presenter, CANINA still bows and blows kisses to the audience -- Pavlov’s lesser known experiments involved canine reactions to public approval.] CANINA: On behalf of my close, personal friend -- Ms. Kalter -- I will gladly accept this luv-ly award for her. [She walks backstage, and the camera witches back to OSCAR.] OSCAR: And now, we continue with our recognition of those nominated for Honorary Ranger. And, I feel confident that this one will go more smoothly than the last. Please welcome Dale on stage, everyone! [Applause and cheering as Dale walks on stage to the center while OSCAR moves off to the side. DALE, dressed in a bright orange, flared sport coat, a red and yellow striped button-down shirt, and a day-glo green bowtie, looks at ease and proud of his fashion sense. The lighting technicians dim the intensity of the spotlights on him, for fear of causing wide-spread color-blindness of the audience.] DALE: Welp, I’m out here tonight to talk about one of the guys up for this here award. Since his first fanfic, “Somemouse to Watch Over Me” was housed online at the Internet Gadget Archives, Matt Plotecher has gone on to write and draw me and the rest of the Rangers in lots of different styles and settings. Pretty cool, eh? [DALE pauses, then looks about.] DALE: Uhm, that covers it pretty well, I think. [He grins and waves, then walks backstage. The applause starts hesitantly, then reaches a steady volume as the audience realizes that DALE is indeed done with his “verbose” speech.] NARRATOR: [V.O.] Stay tuned, folks, as we get ready to present the Platos for some of the best Fanfics available on the ‘Net! [CUT TO: JIFFY. He’s currently standing by one of the tables in the dining area. CHEDDARHEAD CHARLIE and CAMEMBERT KATE are seated at his table.] JIFFY: Hello, and welcome to the Ranger Coffeehouse, where the elite meet to enjoy some tickety-boo food, terrific conversation, and the best decor east of the Rockies. I'm Jiffy, and I'll be your waiter for this evening... CLAIRE: [passing by] Jiffy, could you PLEASE not say 'tickety-boo' any more?! I mean, I'm a patient fieldmouse, but it really starts to get annoying on the sixty-third repetition... JIFFY: No problem, Claire! 'A worker who is making his fellow employees miserable is a traitor to the company and deserves a slow, painful hour in the deep fryer.' [CHARLIE and KATE exchange glances.] CLAIRE: ...Right. JIFFY: I read that on the back of a napkin. It's my new motto! CLAIRE: I thought your motto was 'excitement leads to indigestion, and there will be no indigestion on my watch.' JIFFY: Yes, well, I mean that's still true, it's just that we're here in the Ranger Coffeehouse, surrounded by fanfiction's best and brightest. [turns, speaks directly into camera] 'What could possibly go wrong?' CLAIRE: [turns, fails to spot whoever Jiffy's addressing] ...Right. Could you lend me about a dozen napkins? I've had a spill in my section. JIFFY: Righty-ho! I'll get those to you tickety-boo. [CLAIRE punches JIFFY in the face. He staggers, collapses, miraculously keeps from spilling a drop from his as-always heavy tray of foodstuffs.] CLAIRE: [helping him up] Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to do that. I was just thinking that if I heard that once more I was going to punch you in the face, and, well, there you go.... CHARLIE: [grinning] I like this ‘ere place. KATE: [with a wistful smile] Yeah, reminds me of our Honeymoon.... [FADE OUT] [START QUOTE BREAK] "Dale," she said, her voice trembling with laughter that she refused to let past her composure, "today we burnt air, killed a cake, and broken a wooden spoon and my high-powered mixer. We decorated the room with grape soda, salt-water taffy, cake, spaghetti sauce, and noodles. But this -- oh, this! -- is the crowning achievement." "What's that?" She proudly displayed the wilted, slightly blackened remains of the vegetables. "You burnt the salad." --_Culinary Disaster_, Meghan Brunner * * * * * "Dale...I'm askin' you as a mate not to go out there. Please, pallie, breakfast can wait." "What? Is there a surprise waitin' for me out there under the tree?" *On the couch is more like it.* "You, uh, might say that." "Oh boy, oh boy oh boy!" Dale forced his way past Monty. "Dale! Dale, no!" his friend called after him. "Ahhh! This is horrible!" "Oh no!" Monty ran in after him. "There's no surprise under this tree! You trying to trick me?!" Dale yelled, oblivious to the sleeping couple. --_Revelation_, Chris “Malachite” Sweeters * * * * * "Great Feems Of Lightning!" -- Wescott Vance Atticas * * * * * He paused in confusion and then turned to Meppsaqui. "It seemeth that my prey hath grown up since last I saw her," he said, "and now the very sight of her maketh me as stupid as a little bird. Give me the blindfold, thou idiot!" "The one with the eye-hole?" asked Meppsaqui, too stupid to be made stupid. Shere Khat bared his fangs at him. "YES!" he exclaimed, for he was evil. --_Syllabus of Comedies_, Roy Neal Grissom [END QUOTE BREAK] [As the camera PANS over the audience, WIDGET holds up a sign that says "VOTE WIDGET AND NOBODY GETS HURT." JUERGEN yanks it out of her hand and tosses it away before OSCAR notices.] OSCAR: [to camera] Are we on? Oh -- well, welcome back, folks! Continuing in our presentations for Honorary Ranger nominees, let’s welcome our next Ranger speaker, Chip! [Loud applause and several female ear-splitting squeals are heard as Chip -- impeccably dressed in a tux and his fedora -- steps to the center of the stage, OSCAR having already moved off-camera.] CHIP: It’s another example of the theme that big things come in small packages. One of the youngest Rangerphiles we have online has probably made one of the biggest public outpourings which showed support of our old series. Natasha Kashefipour first made her presence known way back on alt.fan.disney.afternoon during what came to be known as Rescue Ranger War I, with the first opening salvos between Anti Chip & Gadget fans [smirks and rolls his eyes] and the Pros. As she continued to post, she grew more and more ambitious, finally launching “The Rescue Ranger MessageBoard” in Feb of 1998, which soon came to be known the ‘Net over as “The Acorn Cafe”. And it was here that perhaps one can point to as the single reason why the Rangerphile community has been able to be as tightly knit as it is today. For the first time, a large, public forum was open for people from all walks of life could meet and discuss all things Ranger-related. It was here that John Nowak first mused over writing a MiSTing with someone of “Under the Bridge”, which Matt Plotecher decided to apply for. It was here that Charles Williams first made his presence known, and has gone on to take request from various fanfic authors for his exquisite drawings. It was here that Rangerphile community has gotten to know each other more as a family than a group of Internet handles. And through all the joys, all the surprises, all the passion that the Acorn Cafe has seen, Natasha has maintained a steady keel over its direction. Her contributions do not stop there, of course. She has gone on to create her own personal page for the Rangers, The Rescue Ranger Zone, and at last report has started construction of a tribute to all the Chip & Gadget romances out there [he grins, winks, and gives a big thumbs up]. And all of this while braving the wilds of middle school, and now high school. It truly makes the mind boggle to think that in the future we may indeed look back on this era of her life and say, “And this was the period of time before she *really* became active as a Rangerphile!” [Chip bows to the audience, who applaud fiercely, then returns backstage as OSCAR moves back to center stage.] OSCAR: And with that, another quote from John Nowak’s _Icarus_ to get us ready for the Fanfic section of the Platos. [The huge screen at the back of the stage brings up the “clip” as the camera ZOOMS IN on it.] “Monty,” Chip said quietly, “People write fan fiction to keep busy. They do not build torpedoes to keep busy.” [The screen then fades in the word “Fanfic” as OSCAR moves back to the center of the stage; the camera TRUCKS OUT to CENTER on him.] OSCAR: Our presenters for Best Parody/MiSTing/Satire Plato are a comedy team that rank up with some of the top-notch comedic movie greats; Abbot & Costello, Laurel & Hardy, and of course, Batman & Robin. Let’s hear it for Chipper the JediChipmunk and Kuwani! [Applause as they walk onstage, waving to the crowd while the orchestra plays the theme to “Return of the Jedi”. They are both smiling broadly as they step up to the microphone.] KUWANI: This next category has a special place in our hearts, doesn’t it Chipper? CHIPPER: Yes, if not for the satire category, I might not have met you. [puts his hand an hers and her tail curls up over his shoulder] That would have been a horrible fate. KUWANI: [impish grin] True, but satire isn’t the only category this award represents. This award is for the best of Parody, MiSTing, AND Satire. CHIPPER: The ability to make fun of oneself and something you love is very important. After all, a world without humor is a dry, dull place. KUWANI: And sometimes Dale just can’t do all the comedy relief. Right Dale? [INTERCUT: From the audience, Dale grins and nods.] So we are glad to have these wonderful authors who can. CHIPPER: Those authors are; Roy Neal Grissom for _A Syllabus of Comedies_. KUWANI: Candy Courtnier for _A Twit’s Ransom_. CHIPPER: John Alan Davidson for _Crossroads of Time_. KUWANI: John Nowak and Matt Plotecher for the MiSTed version of _Under the Bridge_. CHIPPER: And of course, Hakan Svensson and Keven A. Pezzano for the MiSTed version _The Rangers of NIMH_. [They both shudder involuntarily.] KUWANI: So, without further ado. [she gestures into the air and an envelope appears in her hand.] Would you do the honors? [she steps back and holds the envelope at arms length.] CHIPPER: A pleasure. [In an instant his lightsaber is ignited [SFX: SNAP-HISS] and he slashes upward.] KUWANI: [Takes the paper out of the now-opened envelope and reads it.] And the winner is _The Rangers of NIMH -- MiSTed_, by Håkan Svensson and Kevin A. Pezzano! [Much cheering and clapping.] CHIPPER: Seeing as how Mr. Svensson and Mr. Pezzano are not with us tonight, we accept this Plato on their behalf. [They wave once more, then head backstage. CUT BACK to OSCAR.] OSCAR: To present the Plato for Best Original Male Character, we invited the most prestigious, famous chipmunks in the world. Sadly, Alvin, Simon, and Theodore had a gig in someone’s basement and could not attend. We scrambled, but managed to come up with Chip and Dale as last-minute replacements. Let’s give a big round of applause to them as thanks! ...because they’re that’s all they’re getting. [Wild cheering and applause (and laughter at Dale’s choice of formal wear). The two chipmunks grin broadly and wave to everyone as they approach the podium, the orchestra playing “Chip n’ Dale’s Vacation”.] CHIP: You know, one of the most important aspects of fanfiction is establishing original characters that fit in with the continuity. DALE: And this needs to be done without making the new character into the dreaded bane of all readers -- the notorious “Wesley”. CHIP: The term is, “Mary Sue”, Dale. DALE: Trust me, Chip I *know* what I mean. [CHIP is about to argue the fact, but decides this probably isn’t the best place for it.] CHIP: In any case, Dale and I have had the opportunity to work with all of these fine characters, and are glad we aren’t on the Board who voted, as it would have been an agonizing process. DALE: The nominees are: CHIP: Johnny O'Brie, my close friend from the S.A.P.S., and one of the most popular secondary characters, used by three separate authors. DALE: Juergen, nasal legend-- CHIP: [gritting his teeth] *Naval* legend. DALE: --and the only mouse man enough to coax Widget into giving happiness a shot. CHIP: Erick Rosebush, another very good old friend of mine, also involved in the preservation of truth and justice. [he grins] I’m looking forward to seeing them at the upcoming Crimebusters Ball. DALE: An Tham Sun, who was smart enough to dissolve his corrupted family clan in a mix of wisdom, honor, and lemon sauce. [he squints at the Teleprompter.] That can’t be right.... CHIP: [bravely pushing on] And the final nomination goes to Wescott, the dedicated and breakfast-loving squirrel that won Tammy’s heart, our respect, and the Rangerphiles admiration. DALE: [deep voice] And now... the truth is in here. [He holds up the envelope as if it were some sacred object. CHIP glares at him and snatches it free. He opens it, takes out the card, and blinks as DALE snatches it back, grinning.] DALE: The Plato goes to our favorite Ginsu-endorser, An Tham Sun! [CUT TO: THAM. In the seat next to him, KAN gives a delighted cry and hugs him tightly, stealing a kiss and not caring about the whole world currently watching. THAM grins broadly and rises from his seat, heading for the stage, the camera FOLLOWING him. The orchestra plays Kitaro’s “Orochi” as he ascends the stairs and crosses to the podium. He shakes CHIP’S hand, then DALE’S, mentioning something we can’t hear over the music and applause. CHIP grins and says something back, to which DALE nods vigorously and adds a comment. THAM and CHIP do a take at DALE, glance at each other in bewilderment, then shrug. THAM turns to the camera.] THAM: I wish to thank my parents, my ancestors, my lovely escort Kan, and everyone whom enjoyed the tale which I was in. May the spirits guide you to good fortune. Thank you again. [He bows and takes the Plato, walking backstage with CHIP and DALE.] [CUT TO] [OSCAR nods as Chip, Dale, and Tham leave, looks at the camera, and straightens his bow-tie.] OSCAR: [in a smooth voice] And now, ladies and gentleman, here to present the Plato for Best Original Female Character is one of the animation industry’s most world-renown ladies, a women who can break a man’s will with a bat of her eyelash, give wings to his heart by a simple kiss, and make him fear for his life with the sole phrase, “No problems”. And best of all, she’s completely unaware of this ability. So let’s give it up for living proof that “Ignorance is bliss”, Miss Gadget Hackwrench! [The roof is blown off the Coffeehouse (much to the bats inconvenience) as raging applause and cheering erupt from the audience. The spotlight tightens in on where Gadget is supposed to walk out from, but has to wait a moment until she gets enough courage to peek around the corner, which only intensifies the audience’s response. Blushing so hard that it knocks the magenta filter offline in 47 monitors in the control room, Gadget finally steps out shyly and gingerly makes her way over to the podium. She’s grinning broadly, but glances backstage, as if she’s not quite sure what to do. MONTEREY can barely be seen motioning for her to just start the presentation, knowing that the audience won’t quiet down soon on their own.] GADGET: [timidly] ...Erhm. [The cheers begin to settle down, and Gadget’s blush finally recedes. The increased oxygen flow to her brain allows her to remember what she came out here for in the first place.] GADGET: Oh! That’s right! I’m here to present the award for Best Original Female Character. Like my friends Chip and Dale, I, too, have had the wonderful opportunity to meet all of these nominees. Well, I wouldn’t really call meeting Ivana “wonderful” really. It was more of a nightmarish experience than a heartwarming one. Uh... what next? Oh! Ahem -- and the nominees are... Golly, I always wanted to say that... “The nominees are...” It just sounds so official, don’t you think? Has a real nice ring of authority to it, yet isn’t demeaning or impersonal at all. It’d be neat to put on our answering machine. If we had one, I mean. We might get one, but we’d have to get a phone first. Well, build a phone -- they don’t sell scaled working phones in our neighborhood. Actually, they don’t sell much of anything; we live of a trade-and-barter system for the most part. Sometimes we buy things, but it’s more of a trading a shiny thing for a practical thing for us-- OSCAR: [O.S., strained politeness] Skip to the end.... GADGET: [blinking] I’m sorry, what? [looks to SKIP, which fires the recognition neuron in her brain that allows her to recall her next line] Oh! Golly! The nominees -- I forgot. Sorry! [turns to face the camera] Anyway, here’s the nominees: Caprice, an old friend of my mother, and big fan of the Indigo Girls and Xena. [thoughtfully] I wonder it that means something.... [shrugs] oh well. Widget Hackwrench, my dearest sister, who taught nearly 98% of the Rangerphile community the word “Byronic”. Sarah Haley-Hackwrench, my mother in Meghan Brunner’s continuity, and the woman who taught me that big ears make holding large pencils easy. Ivana M. Killjoy. ...uhm. Well, she didn’t kill us. I suppose that’s something. And finally, Kan Sune, a good friend of mine from Japan. [she waves cheerfully] Hi, Kan! I’m on TV! Can you believe it? [A stagehand walks over and hand her an envelope.] GADGET: [dubiously] Didn’t I already give you an autograph? [He whispers to her.] GADGET: Oops! [grins sheepishly] Golly, I really need to start researching public functions, huh? [She takes the envelope from him. As he walks backstage, she opens it and reads, with a wide grin.] GADGET: And the Plato goes to my wacky, lovable, crunchy-revenge savoring sister, Widget! Get your angst-ridden tail up here, sis! [The audience applauds forcefully (out of respect or fear is anyone’s guess) as WIDGET strides up the stairs, the orchestra playing her alma mater: “The World’s Greatest Criminal mind”. GADGET hugs WIDGET tightly, then steps aside to give WIDGET the podium.] WIDGET: I never thought an evil twin would catch on, but you like me! You really like me! [Coughs, and gathers herself.] WIDGET: [cont’d] I'd like to thank the Board for this award, my husband Juergen for being there for me, and my sister Gadget for being Gadget. I'd also like to thank my author for not killing me off in _Icarus_ like he originally planned to. GADGET: [blinking] Come again? WIDGET: [not noticing] Speaking of my author, he's asked me to take this opportunity to propose a 'Best Technobabble' category for next year-- OSCAR: [O.S.] No. WIDGET: There's only sixteen subcategories. EVERYONE (except GADGET): No. WIDGET: Well, I should rant a bit, but I'm in too good a mood. Thanks again! [She heads backstage with GADGET as the camera returns to OSCAR.] OSCAR: Another type of original character that usually is essential to a story’s success is that of the main antagonist. Villains, in this case, have long challenged the heros in terms of the public’s popularity. Rangerphiles are no different, and thus let’s welcome the undisputed foe of the Rescue Rangers, Fat Cat himself! [Much applause and cheering as FAT CAT makes a leisurely stroll to the podium, the orchestra playing “I Want the Best of Everything”, naturally. He stops and looks out over the audience, obviously taking the moment to bask in the respect that he perceives he so richly deserves.] FAT CAT: Distinguished guests, valued fellow do-badders, and even you miserable vermin. [the audience give some nervous laughter, in hopes of it being meant in jest] I am hear to present the Plato for Best Original Villain, a title not to be taken lightly, as any of this nominees are worthy of my esteemed respect for their intricate and melodramatic methods of interference in the Rangers lives. They are: The dear Widget Hackwrench, whose thirst for crunchy vengeance almost immediately endeared her to me forever. Mr. Juergen, supreme master of deception and trickery in marine-time operations. Ivana M. Killjoy, one of the earliest villains to the Rangers in fanfic, whose threat and ominousness has only grown with the passage of time. Mittens, another superior feline, proving that my species is meant for glory more so than any other creature on this conquerable Earth. And a lovely black widow by the name of Victoria, who proves that the female of the species is indeed more deadly than the male. [FAT CAT reaches into his coat and withdraws the envelope, using a razor-sharp claw to effortlessly open it. He removes the card and reads it.] FAT CAT: [giving a true feline grin] Was there ever any doubt? Ivana M. Killjoy, of course. [The cheering and clapping is a bit timid this time, as no-one in the audience is sure it’d be such a good thing if IVANA was truly in their presence. FAT CAT merely chuckles at this.] FAT CAT: Do not worry, dear guests, for Ivana is still busy with other projects. On behalf of the respected villainess, however, I will accept this Plato. [He bows and heads backstage. CUT BACK to OSCAR.] OSCAR: [wiping his brow in relief] Whew, I don’t mind telling you, that’s one winner I *don’t* have any desire to meet face-to-face. [Murmurs of agreement echo from the audience.] OSCAR: [cont’d] Well, moving on to more happy topics, let’s all welcome some more villains, although we use the term very loosely for these bumbling henchman; Mepps, Mole, Snout, and Wart! [The audience cheers heartily as the four henchman step from backstage, all of whom are in their usual clothes, either too cheap to too stupid to dress up for the event. Appropriately, the pit is playing a snappy version of “Loser”. The four of them push and shove a bit to all fit around the podium.] MEPPS: Right. We’re here to present a plate. WART: No, Mepps, a Plato. Dis one is for Best Interaction. MOLE: [confused, as usual] I don’t get it. WART: It’s very simple, Moley. A number of fanfics have some fun times wid chit-chat and de like between characters. SNOUT: Yeah. This is meant to recognize the scenes in fanfics that mix characterization, intelligence, and plot together so efficiently that the flow of the story carries the reader along with ease. Basically like the best scene. MOLE: Wow! Just like us, huh? MEPPS: Right! WART: Right! SNOUT: Right! OSCAR: [O.S.] Whatever. SNOUT: And the nominees are; _Fly to the Light_, as Gadget is “seeing Geegaw off” ... _Home is Where You Hang Upside Down_, with Foxglove interacting with the "X-files" characters ... Icarus, where it’s Monterey and Dale vs. Gadget’s thinking and Widget’s son [INTERCUT: GIMCRACK grins and gurgles happily] ... _Revelation, during the Christmas love confession scene [they all roll their eyes] ... Rhyme and Reason, for the infamous Chip and Gadget scene in Cpt. 9. [WART, SNOUT, and MEPPS all chuckle and nudge each other knowingly, while MOLE stares off blankly into space.] WART: And de winner is... [he opens the envelope and reads it] _Home is Where You Hang Upside-Down_. [Cheering and clapping. OTIS flies down, startling the presenters and causing them to scramble back. Which is what OTIS wanted, as it leaves room for him land easily in front of the podium.] OTIS: Roy Neal isn’t able to be here yet-- OSCAR: [O.S.] I thought I saw him enter earlier. OTIS: Well, yes, but he’s currently outside watching for bats. It’s sunset out there, you know. OSCAR: [O.S.] Ah. OTIS: In any case, as one of his original characters, I happily accept this Plato for him. Thanks everyone! [He walks backstage with the henchman. CUT over to OSCAR.] OSCAR: Quite a group of characters, eh? Ironic, as the next Plato is for Best Characterization. And to present, a lass whom has grown in popularity over the past year to rival the popularity of the Rangers themselves, Foxglove! [The audience gives a strong wave of applause as the bat glides down from the ceiling once more, touching down easily behind the podium. She giggles and nods in thanks to the orchestra, who are playing Bach’s Sinfonia, from Cantata No. 29.] FOXGLOVE: Lost of people love the Rangers and the characters from the series. Many of whom love them so much that they write out their own adventures starring the Rangers. The tricky part to using pre-established characters, though, is that you have to make sure you have the characters acting as they did within the series, rather than how *one* person thinks they should act. These nominees have all demonstrated the ability to remain true to the characters that the actual series portrayed: _Consummation_, by Roy Neal Grissom ... _Culinary Disaster_, by Meghan Brunner ... _Rhyme and Reason_, by Mike Demico ... _Somemouse to Watch Over Me_, by Matt Plotecher ... Under the Bridge, by John Nowak. [FOXGLOVE takes the envelope from a stagehand and opens it.] FOXGLOVE: And it goes to Mike Demico’s _Rhyme & Reason_! [A great deal of applause and cheering.] FOXGLOVE: Mr. Demico was unable to attend tonight, so I will accept this on his behalf. [She glides over to the backstage area. CUT TO] [OSCAR, who is applauding with the audience, then turns back to the camera.] OSCAR: Foxglove mentioned that the use of pre-established characters was difficult. And that’s why the Platos have separate categories to recognize this difficulty. The second of these is for Best Use of a Preestablished Character -- One Shot. As in, seen only in one episode from the series. To present this, let’s give a round of applause to Lawainee Lait and Alex McDugal! [LAWAINEE and ALEX step onto the stage. LAWAINEE flashes her best smile at the crowd. It fails to hypnotize the audience like Gadget's smile would have done, but LAWAINEE doesn’t notice that. The orchestra pit plays the Swing version of the Pet Shop Boys’ “Can You Forgive Her?”.] LAWAINEE: And now, we’re to present the contenders for the category named... [she squints at the Teleprompter] Best Use of a Preestablished Character -- One Shot. Alex, wouldn’t I be eligible for this? ALEX: [smiling] Not this time, dear. Not before _Sisters_ is finished; remember the disclaimer? LAWAINEE: [shrugging] Oh, I never read those. Okay, then let’s see who’s on the list... and so we have here: Bubbles/The Hooded Menace, from _The Hooded Menace_ by Jeff Pierce ... Foxglove, from _Consummation_ by Roy Neal Grissom ... Foxglove, from _Home is Where You Hang Upside-Down_ by Roy Neal Grissom ... Sparky & Buzz from _Somemouse to Watch Over Me_ by Matt Plotecher ... Tammy from _Rescue Rangers X: The Short Series Episode 101: A Force Reborn_ by Edward “Eddie” Baird II. [LAWAINEE turns to Alex.] LAWAINEE: [cont’d] Okay, but who’s the winner? [ALEX smiles smugly as he takes an envelope from his jacket.] ALEX: Well, we’ll know, as soon as you open this letter. [LAWAINEE tears the end of the letter open, pulls out the card and reads it.] LAWAINEE: And the winner is... [she pauses dramatically] ...Foxglove, from _Home is Where You Hang Upside-Down_!" ALEX: Congrats! [Another loud squeal of delight is heard from backstage, and FOXGLOVE dives around the corner back onstage to grab the Plato, true ecstasy beaming from her face.] FOXGLOVE: Wow! I never thought I’d be so well-liked before! Thank you everybody! [She takes a few deep breaths to get her heart rate under control, then speaks again.] FOXGLOVE: I just know that Roy Neal will be absolutely delighted over this too, but he’s still outside watching for more of my species. It’s almost too dark for bat-watching, so I’ll go tell him to get in here, though, and tell him he got two Platos! Thanks from the bottom of my heart, everyone, really. I love you all! [She giggles again and glides out over the audience to rush and tell Roy Neal the news. CUT BACK to OSCAR.] OSCAR: The companion Plato to that is Best Use of a Preestablished Character -- Reoccurring. Meant, of course, for the characters, other than the Rangers, who made more than one appearance in the series. Presenting is one of the most popular one-shot villainesses from the series; the scheming, voluptuous, and will- twisting seductress, Desiree D'Allure! [DESIREE strides to the podium dressed in a strapless, deep magenta evening gown amidst a series of cheers, whistles, and applause. Space’s “Female of the Species” is played from the pit, to which she smirks slyly at.] DESIREE: As Oscar ‘as already mentioned, zis Plato is for ze work which best displayed a well-known character from ze series, other zan ze Rangers, naturellement. Ze nominees are: Fat Cat, in _Consummation_, by Roy Neal Grissom ... Fat Cat, in _Under ze Bridge_, by John Nowak ... Mole, also in _Consummation_, by Roy Neal Grissom ... Professor Norton Nimnul, in _Zere and Back...AGAIN?_, by Matt Plotecher ... Professor Norton Nimnul again, in _Somemouse to Watch Over Me_, also by Matt Plotecher. [A stagehand walks over and hands her an envelope, smiling nervously. She gives him a sly smile as she takes the envelope, to which he grins and merrily skips away. She shakes her head as she opens the envelope, removing the card and reading it.] DESIREE: And ze Plato goes to Professor Norton Nimnul, from _Zere and Back...AGAIN?_! [CUT TO: NIMNUL in the audience, who makes a “Yeah!” gesture as he springs up and runs down the aisle. He’s dressed in a lab coat, but has a tuxedo jacket over it and a bow tie, making for an interesting combo. “Nimnul’s Theme” from the Ranger series is played as he darts up to the podium, again the space/time warp effect making it (or him) just the right size.] NIMNUL: [grasping the Plato firmly] Hah! I knew people would recognize my genius one day! I accept this award on behalf of me, the greatest unappreciated genius of the world! I thank no-one but myself, it was all my doing, and I look forward to the day I lord over you all with an iron fist. God bless and good night! [Cackling madly, he heads backstage as some scattered applause from the startled audience is heard. The camera switches back to OSCAR, who can only stare after NIMNUL for a few moments before regaining his polished and slick demeanor.] OSCAR: And now, to present the award for Best Comedy/Adventure, please join me in welcoming.... [He pauses, and strains to read the Teleprompter.] OSCAR: [cont’d] Excuse me... Matt, which one? ... You're kidding, right? No? Okay... [He clears his throat.] OSCAR: [cont’d] Please join me in welcoming the girl who put "deep" in "deep-ression," Gadget's Byronic twin, Widget Hackwrench, from the Nowak continuity. AUDIENCE: [In unison] You're kidding, right? [Scattered applause and much stunned disbelief while WIDGET enters stage left, in a long sleeved gown. OSCAR seems to remember himself, and tries, unsuccessfully, to start some enthusiasm in the audience. She approaches the podium and looks out into the hall.] WIDGET: Is there a problem? OSCAR: It's just that you're presenting Best Comedy/Adventure when just about the closest you've come to expressing joy in 141,930 words of text is feral laughter over a vanquished foe. WIDGET: You make that sound like a bad thing. OSCAR: [Directed offstage] MATT! What the heck were you thinking --? WIDGET: Actually, you shouldn't judge me by my appearances in text. I have a good sense of humor and enjoy a laugh as much as the next mouse. OSCAR: [Stage whisper] If the next mouse is Mr. Spock. WIDGET: No, really. I know comedy like I know the inside of my left hand. I told a joke once. OSCAR: [Unimpressed] Wow. WIDGET: Did you hear about the engineer who burst into tears while calculating tangential force with respect to area because he couldn't handle the shear stress? [O.S., NIMNUL, GADGET, and SPARKY chuckle appreciatively while the rest of the audience look at one another blankly.] SPARKY: [O.S.] Do you know any more? WIDGET: Sorry, that's it. OSCAR: Oh, too bad. WIDGET: In a way, "Best Comedy Adventure" is the most important of the Plato Awards, because it reminds us of what the show was really about. Not despair, machine guns, and dysfunctional families, but humor and light adventure that leaves the audience smiling. or those who failed to study for this event, the nominees are: _Chariots of Fur_, by Matt Plotecher ... _Culinary Disaster_, by Meghan Brunner ... _Home is Where You Hang Upside-Down_, by Roy Neal Grissom ... _The Hooded Menace_, by Jeff Pierce ... _“There and Back...AGAIN?”, by Matt Plotecher_. May I have the envelope, please? [a stagehand nervously hands it to her] Thank you. [The spotlight narrows on her as she rips the envelope open and reads it.] WIDGET: And so it's with great pleasure I present this award to a story which made me smile more than once, _Home is Where You Hang Upside-Down_ by Roy Neal Grissom. [A slight hesitation, as people aren’t sure if Roy Neal, aka THE ENDURING MAN-CHILD, has actually arrived yet from his bat vigil outside. As he approaches the podium to receive his award, however, the applause builds to a mountainous height. He shakes hands -- carefully -- with WIDGET and speaks.] EM-C: [completely satirical] Like, man! Like, I almost decided to decline these awards because of the OPPRESSION of the indigenous peoples of Antarctica, man! But like, since the Khmer Rouge is about to liberate Phnom Penh, I'll accept them, man! I, like, dedicate these awards to the people of Tibet, the PLO, the Sandinistas, and like, Osama Bin Laden, man! [He grins, signaling the end to his satire.] EM-C: [cont’d] Okay, but seriously, folks, I simply don't know what to say. I'm gratified that you enjoyed my stories and I hope one day to find my creative juices flowing once again. I apologize for being out of the loop for so long. Most of all, I accept these awards in the name of and on behalf of Foxglove, one of the all- time sweetest cartoon characters ever, and the first chance bats have ever gotten to be presented simply as animals and not as monsters. Now that chance has been wasted, and Disney still owns the copyright to the character they never intend to use again. And I accept these awards in the name of all *real* bats everywhere. I want to thank each and every one of you, and most of all, the Rescue Rangers themselves, for being such masterpieces of characterization. Shame on Disney for not realizing what they had! Thank you, and I love you all! [Another wave of applause, and FOXGLOVE once again swoops down from the ceiling to embrace her favorite author and plant a heartfelt kiss on his cheek. She, THE ENDURING MAN-CHILD, and WIDGET all walk backstage -- actually, WIDGET and FOXGLOVE are more or less supporting the now light- headed and woozy ENDURING MAN-CHILD -- while the camera switches back to OSCAR.] OSCAR: And as light must have darkness to exist, so to, must comedy have drama. Help me in welcoming a character who has truly experienced some of the darker moments of Ranger fanfiction, the formidable and yet gentle squirrel, Wescott Vance Atticas! [Applause as WESCOTT flies onto the stage wearing a fancy tuxedo, complete with a cane, converted from his bo. He approaches the microphone, clutching an envelope with the golden RR emblem on it while the orchestra does a energetic version of Crystal Method’s “Keep Hope Alive”.] WESCOTT: [a little nervous] Heh. Never thought I’d make it into the limelight like this...These lights are hot... [Reads from Teleprompter] The drama is an essential part of literature. Dramas evoke emotions unheard of under normal circumstances. As history changed, so did the drama. From the ritualistic dances of the cave men, to the theaters of ancient Greece, to the Globe and Shakespeare, from the Opera to the Silver screen, dramas touch our hearts and lift our souls. The Fan Fictions of the Rangerphiles are no different, seeing our favorite heroes in a wonderful light as they unfold their plethora of emotions for us... Aww, man I know this is boring you... Let’s just skip to the awards... The nominations are... _Final Curtain_, Meghan Brunner. [Cheers and Applause] WESCOTT: _Fly To The Light_, Matt Plotecher [Cheers and Applause] WESCOTT: _To Catch a Rainbow_, Meghan Brunner [Cheers and Applause] WESCOTT: _Rhyme and Reason_, Mike Demico [Cheers and Applause] WESCOTT: ...and last but by far not least, _Under the Bridge_, John Nowak. [Cheers and Applause] WESCOTT: And the winner is.... [WESCOTT fumbles with the seal and finally resorts to his index digit claw to open the envelope. He suddenly drops the envelope and sucks his digit.] WESCOTT: Oww! Papercut! [Wild Cheers and Applause] WESCOTT: That’s not the winner... sit back down.... [Audience groans as WESCOTT picks the envelope back up and reads the winner.] WESCOTT: _Rhyme and Reason_, by Mike Demico! Let’s give it up for the man! [Impressive applause and cheering.] WESCOTT: On behalf of the absent Mr. Demico, I accept this Plato on his behalf. [He goes backstage; camera switches again to OSCAR.] OSCAR: Our presenter for Best Short Story is someone that you can truly say is a master of “shadowing”. From Julie Bihn’s well-known “Doubt of a Shadow”, let’s all give a warm welcome for the title character, Shadow! [Enthusiastic applause as an extremely nervous-looking gray mouse wearing a long black jacket, black pants, and a dress shirt and tie (both of which look extremely out of place) walks onto the stage. He cautiously taps the microphone. The feedback causes the bats to go into momentarily convulsions.] SHADOW: Uh... Hi. Uh... I... uh... you know... uh... [SHADOW swears he can hear the meaner attendees -- notably, Samantha and a few of the Best Villain nominees -- snickering at his stage fright.] FEMALE VOICE: [O.S.] Hold up! [SHADOW shuts his mouth, which is just as well, as no real words were coming out anyway. A rather pretty mouse, with short black hair, peach fur, and a beautiful light blue evening gown that would put Gadget's gangster moll dress to shame, rushes to the stage, effortlessly running in her blue heels. She has race-car earrings.] MELODY: [panting] Sorry I was late. I was busy counting the spoons in back. [SHADOW glares -- would he *ever* live that silverware incident down?] SHADOW: Who are you? [MELODY smiles a bit too sweetly.] MELODY: [whispering through clenched teeth] I'm Melody. SHADOW: Who? MELODY: Gadget's best friend. SHADOW: Which one? MELODY: The race car driving one. [SHADOW’S face is still blank. MELODY'S smile is becoming strained.] MELODY: The one who's closest to canon. [No luck.] MELODY: [cont’d] 'The Great Gran Prix?' You know, a Rescue Rangers COMIC? Disney Adventures Volume 1, Issue 2, pages 93 through 100? The one with Chip, Monty, and Dale on the cover? SHADOW: [muttering] No wonder I didn't see it. MELODY: ANYWAY.... [she calmly reads the Teleprompter, making SHADOW feel extremely stupid] Okay... short stories... symbol of enlightenment... touches the souls of us all... man, who writes this garbage, anyway? [CUT TO BACKSTAGE: Suddenly, a rather large anvil falls from the roof, landing a hair away from CHIP, who had been slowly edging close to GADGET. CUT BACK.] SHADOW: Did you really have to ask? MELODY: Okay, fine. The nominees for Best Short Story are... [Melody continues reading quickly, ignoring the applause for each entry.] _A Simple Investigation_, by John Alan Davidson; _Bedbugs_, by Matt Plotecher; _Chip's One Year Vacation_, by Karl Schenk; _Foxy's Special Day_, by Julie Bihn, and _Revelation_, by Christopher 'Malachite' Sweeters. And the Plato goes to... [MELODY snatches the envelope from SHADOW'S paws and rips it open, reading the winner.] MELODY: _Chip's One Year Vacation_, by Karl Schenk! [Much cheering and applause. CUT TO: GERTIE near the back by the bar. She whoops with delight and romps down the aisle to the stage. MELODY and SHADOW wisely jump clear of the wizened badger as she arrives at the podium.] GERTIE: Ah'm jes pleased as all get-out to accept this here award for mah favorite creator, Karl Schenk! He tol' me "Ah couldn't've wrote this without ya, Gertie! That there award belongs to you more'n me!" Ain't he a nice guy? Oh, an' I see mah ol' friend Hawnurra out there in the audience! Don' worry 'bout meetin' or eatin' any of these here award winners, Hawnie! I kin' take you inna fair fight - ah knows that now! An' I don't think ah'd be alone anyways! Ah'l send ya a copy of the award, though, 'cause you had a part in makin' it happen - an' 'cause Karl said ah should, dagnabbit.... [CUT TO: OSCAR, watching GERTIE leave with a look of admiration. He slowly turns back to the camera.] OSCAR: [slightly awed] I like her. [composing himself] Ahem -- moving right along, as most people know, the vast majority of Ranger fanfics to first arrive on the ‘Net were meant to be proposals for new episodes. Here to present the Plato recognizing this rather different writing style is a dog who knows all about the power of the script, the one and only Flash the Wonder Dog! [The orchestra strikes up the theme for “Rin Tin-Tin” as FLASH trots onstage amisdt the applause. He recognizes the tune and chuckles, then takes his place behind the podium.] FLASH: Ah, my good friends! It is with true delight that I present this Plato, for writing a script is an art form all by itself. The writer needs to create scenes just as real and intense as those found in prose, but must do so while juggling the technical jargon of camera directions, blocking, and character descriptions. The following nominees range from the earliest works to the latest, proving that scripts can be just as enjoyable as prose, even on the Internet. They are: _A Matter of life and Death_, by Michael Gibby ... _Dreams of the Rarebit Rangers_, by Don Weatherwax ... _Gadget and Goliath_, by Don Weatherwax ... _Somemouse to Watch Over Me_, by Matt Plotecher ... _Trite Fright Night_, Matt Plotecher. [Despite having no opposable digits, FLASH manages to pull out an envelope from his suit, open it, and read the card within.] FLASH: And the Plato goes to _Trite Fright Night_, by Matt Plotecher! [He waits as the applause peters out before continuing.] FLASH: While Matt isn’t able to be here... [he shrugs, indicating that he, too, hasn’t the foggiest what it all means] he did wish to thank Tony McFarland for first giving him the catalyst idea of having a little girl asking to be read a story. I accept the Plato on his behalf. [FLASH gives everyone a big wave, then heads backstage.] [CUT TO] [OSCAR, standing center stage, and has his chest puffed out with pride. His eyes hold a glint of admiration as he speaks.] OSCAR: Ladies and gentleman, it is with the greatest pleasure a MC such as I can feel, that I introduce to you our next presenter. Taking a break from his retirement -- if you can understand that -- please, everyone, let us welcome perhaps the only person who could possibly top Plato in terms of inspiration for the original forming of the Rangers: retired detective, Mr. Donald Drake. [DRAKE walks onstage to a very loud standing ovation. He wears a smart tuxedo, and unlike Chip, does not have his fedora on. The orchestra plays the “Peter Gunn” theme as the man makes his way over to the podium, where he has to wait a few more moments for the applause to die down.] DRAKE: Heh, thanks a lot everyone. I never knew that me and Plato were basically responsible for all this. I was just doing my job, you know? Anyway, you didn’t come here to listen to some old flatfoot reminisce, so I’ll get to the meat of it. [He clears his throat, and withdraws a pair of glasses, putting them on before reading from the Teleprompter.] DRAKE: The Plato for Best Author can be deceiving. With the scores and scores of stories out there, and more being written all the time, it would be presumptuous to try and flag one single person as the “best”. Instead, this Plato is meant to recognize those individuals who have, overall, proven time and again that the quality of their work is always at the top of the list. Looking over the nominees, I’m sure that you all will agree as to the immense impact that these five authors alone have had on the landscape of Rescue Ranger fiction. Even if their quills should run dry, they will be known for the huge amount of time and work they gave to bring us ever-more stunning and spectacular tales starring the Rescue Rangers. They are: Meghan Brunner, perhaps the first to truly create a completely separate universe for the Rangers, and the one who first pioneered the idea of emotional turmoil in the Rangers’ lives. Mike Demico, the first to catapult the Rangers from their normal lives into a vast, sprawling epic which brought out the best in each of them. Roy Neal Grissom, for blazing a trail for the Foxglove fans to follow, as well as relighting the torch which revealed their beloved personalities from the original series. John Nowak, the only one who can place the Rangers in a world of scaled submarines, Ranger rockets, and evil twins while maintaining their dignity, humor, and intelligence. Matt Plotecher, whose vast works have taken the Rangers across the globe, into other dimensions, and through the depths of their own souls. [He coughs slightly, taking an envelope from his jacket pocket with the golden Rescue Ranger emblem on it. Unsealing the envelope, he withdraws the card and reads it.] DRAKE: Congratulations, Matt Plotecher! [Cheers and applause.] DRAKE: As you guessed, I’ll accept this award on behalf of Matt. [He gives a friendly nod, then heads off backstage. CUT back over to OSCAR.] OSCAR: Our last Plato in this category, Best Story, will be presented by someone who could be said as to have the real “low-down” on all manner of books. Direct from the sewer to this stage, with a quick stop-over at the shower facilities here at the Coffeehouse, let’s welcome the well-read reptile himself, Sewer Al! [SEWER AL steps on stage, much cheering and applause provided by the audience. SEWER AL smirks to himself, glances out over the audience, and adjusts his glasses before heading over to the podium. A lively version of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Born on a Bayou” from the pit accompanies him.] SEWER AL: Fanfic. The term encompasses such a broad genre that it really unwittingly serves to cloak a number of works which transcend the mass populace’s definition. Hence, I’d rather refer to a subcategory of fanfic, which I call Ranger Literature. This is a more fitting and apt word when applied to stories such as those listed here. Herein, you shall discover tales that not only fulfill the expectations of “fanfics”, but also cater to the tastes of those who seek more in their diet of readings. These stories tackle and address issues that the series could not -- or would not -- handle. The tales in the halls of Ranger Literature are just as potent to those unaware of the actual show, as these works deal with issues that transcend boundaries, and touch all of us at the core of our minds. And it is from this hidden genre, that the following works were nominated as being the most potent of their kind: _Consummation_, by Roy Neal Grissom ... _Fly to the Light_, by Matt Plotecher ... _Home is Where You Hang Upside-Down_, by Roy Neal Grissom ... _Rainbow’s Gold_, by Meghan Brunner ... _Rhyme & Reason_, by Mike Demico. [Silently, he opens the envelope and reads the card. And smiles.] SEWER AL: And the Plato has been awarded to _Rhyme & Reason_, by Mike Demico. [Monstrous amounts of applause and wild cheering. After the audience quiets down, SEWER AL calmly address them.] SEWER AL: As before, the presenter -- I, in this case -- shall accept the Plato on behalf of the absent Mr. Demico. [He nods crisply to everyone, then turns and makes his way backstage.] [CUT TO] [OSCAR watches SEWER AL leave, then turns to the camera a bit nervously.] OSCAR: I forgot how big that guy really is. Don’t believe what they depict him as in those coloring books, folks. [clears his throat] And now, to say a few words about another nominee for Honorary Ranger, Monterey Jack. [Applause as MONTEREY, dressed in his official “Greeting cheese from France” tux, walks in from stage left, and once more OSCAR gives him the floor. MONTEREY nods to everyone with his trademarked casual smile.] MONTEREY: Having worked with me pal Zipper for years, I can tell ya that a lot of the most important work in things are done without ever really bein’ recognized. So it’s with a lotta joy and pride that I bring up Jeff Pierce’s behind-the-scenes work and contributions. Ya see, it’s like somethin’ outta one of me own tales. Back in the summer of ‘91, Jeff wrote an open letter to Comic Buyer’s Guide, in a campaign to save the Rescue Rangers comic line. While the original idea didn’t pan out [light chuckling from the audience], Jeff got it in his head to keep the Rangers, and other Disney Afternoon toons, going in his own style. And so in December of ‘92, the first issue of “W.T.F.B” was published, a modest little fanzine for Disney Afternoon fans. End of the tale, you might think, eh? But it was through this little ‘Zine that a number of well-known Rangerphiles first got their feet wet, long before the ‘Net was a common stompin’ ground. We’ve seen their names tonight, even: Meghan Brunner, Mike Demico, Matt Plotecher, and Lar deSouza, just to name a few. It goes beyond that, too -- Honywumpus has mentioned before that the little ‘Zine was partly responsible for the DAFT list, somethin’ that we all know about. And Jeff continues to plug away as editor of a ‘Zine which he does out of his own free time and own desire to see the Rangers and other Disney Afternoon toons live on. The mere fact that the ‘Zine has been goin’ strong for the past six years, even during this age of instant information, proves that the bloke not only has his head screwed on right, but also has his heart in the right place. [MONTEREY grins and waves to audience as they applaud, and then heads offstage.] NARRATOR: [V.O.] Stay tuned, folks -- the Platos for the best websites is coming up right after this break! [CUT TO:] [INT -- RANGER COFFEEHOUSE -- CAFE & BAR] CLAIRE: Jiffy, could you give me a hand with this? [She gestures to three large platters of food. She was holding two more, one in each hand.] JIFFY: Righty-ho. [He balances one on his head and held the other two in his arms.] Where to? CLAIRE: Brisby party. Jonathan, Mrs. something, and apparently about thirty cousins. JIFFY: The ones in the far back, behind the potted plants, next to the men's room? CLAIRE: That's them. Jonathan, Jessica, and a large number of extras. [CLAIRE starts making her way through the diners, her footwork forming a delicate dance as she fights to maintain the precious balance that stood between her and a very large mess all over THAM'S and KAN'S table. Something in the way they held their katanas while eating told her she didn't want to do that. For JIFFY, of course, it was effortless, but CLAIRE wasn't really a waitress. She was an actress.] [FADE OUT] [START QUOTE BREAK] "I can't hear you," said Jürgen. "I think I've been temporarily deafened by the report of a .22 rifle round fired in an enclosed space." "It's no use trying to talk," the Gray Mouse explained. "We've been temporarily deafened by the report of a .22 rifle round fired in an enclosed space." "What?" "What?" -- _Under the Bridge_, John Nowak * * * * * "'Thin Line' by Gerard McHugh. Indigo Girls sing it a lot. But that's beside the point. Gadget, /I love you./ Without you..." she held her fingertips in a cluster, separated them as she blew softly, as if scattering dandelion seeds... "there is no life." Almost timidly Caprice removed Sarah's necklace from the folds of Gadget's jumper and held it to the light. "Like this, see? Rainbows are for people like us, because love comes in all colors. You're like the pot of gold at the end but... some things are more precious than leprechaun coin. Like you. Gadget, /I love you./" --_Rainbow’s Gold_, Meghan Brunner * * * * * Chip smiled and shook his head. "Well, I’m glad that at least Rogueford didn't win that kiss. Speaking of which, shouldn't you be on the stage, Gadget?" Gadget blinked. "I should?" "Well, yeah," Dale nodded, confused at Gadget's confusion. "You were going to give the winner a -- how did you put it Monty? -- 'A big ol honkin' smack on the lips', or something to that affect." Gadget's eyes grew wider. "I was going to do *what*?" --_Chariots of Fur_, Matt Plotecher * * * * * "Foxglove, do you think maybe you'd mind very much if you kinda sorta maybe just married me a little bit?" --_Consummation_, Roy Neal Grissom [END QUOTE BREAK] [FADE IN] [INT -- RANGER COFFEEHOUSE -- CAFE & BAR] [CLAIRE is leaning against one wall, her tray tucked neatly under her arm. She’s talking with a hulking mouse in an ill-fitting suit, who’s demolishing a slice of baked potato -- BUBBLES, of course.] BUBBLES: So... you're Ivana Killjoy? CLAIRE: Well, not Ivana Killjoy _exactly_. But I did read the book with her in it. BUBBLES: Really? [He reaches over and plucks a sausage from a nearby diner's plate. A quick glare silences any protest.] CLAIRE: No, no really. But I saw the movie. Several times! I memorized her monologue from the third act, the bit where she has Sheerluck Jones at her mercy, and he asks her why she's done all the whole crime spree thing, with the robberies and the riddles and all... Would you like to hear it? BUBBLES: Not really, no. [He wolfs down the sausage and takes another.] So, you ever meet them? CLAIRE: Uh, not that I'm aware of.... [CLAIRE begins to doubt that the big mouse is an agent.] CLAIRE: [cont’d] Look, I've got to go back to work--coming sir! [she calls to no one in particular] You've got my number if anything comes up, okay? BUBBLES: Right. And bring back some more of this sausage when you do. [It dawns on her he hadn't been listening to a word she said.] I'm starving here! [CLAIRE turns and reflexively jams her tray into Bubbles' stomach.] CLAIRE: Ooh! I'm sorry sir, sometimes I just lose control. See, I was raised by ninjas, and they taught me over seventy-four ways to inflict pain on a mouse... sometimes I just... I'm so sorry. [BUBBLES scans the room, sees WESCOTT eyeing him idly.] BUBBLES: [weakly] No problem. I needed to be going anyway. [CUT TO] [INT -- RANGER COFFEEHOUSE -- STAGE] [OSCAR waits on the left side of the stage with his usual MC smile.] OSCAR: Here to tell us about the final nominee for Honorary Ranger, we bring back out the ravishing Ranger herself, Miss Gadget Hackwrench. [The applause and cheers, while as strong as ever, aren’t so intense as to blow out the eardrums of the bats overhead. GADGET hesitates a little bit at first, but swallows her nervousness and steps back out onto the stage. The spotlights on her prevent her from actually seeing the audience, which helps to ease her shyness as she begins to speak.] GADGET: Hmm, well, I guess I have a few fans -- [laughter from the audience, although she doesn’t seem to get the joke] but one of the most devoted by far would have to be Julie Bihn. She was the sole true fighter for the Antis -- whoever they and these Pros are that I keep hearing about -- during the first Rescue Ranger War, and also in the surprise “debate” which soon came to be known on the messageboards as the “Valentine’s Day Massacre”. She’s still one of the leading advocates of those Anti people [she shrugs, oblivious to her love life, as always], but has proven to everyone, even the most adamant Pros [she shrugs helplessly again, but it’s on the Teleprompter, so she’ll read it], that her dedication to the Rangers is as strong as anyone’s. Besides maintaining the whole R.O.A.R. website and messageboard, Julie also has taken over the maintenance of all pages for The Adventures of Gadget Hackwrench [she smiles shyly and blushes], and created the Ranger poll, open to everyone to participate in. But still more has been done by this dedicated lady from the southwest. An online tour of my--I mean, of Gadget’s Go-Coaster at Disneyland is available thanks to her. She pioneered the move to start transcribing the Rescue Ranger episodes for those who didn’t have cable or VHS copies. And recently she even wrote up a report on the online Rangerphile community! Golly, a report on our little Internet group! It’s so neat! [she clears her throat to reign in her excitement] Sorry. Anyway, Julie has managed all this while writing stories, drawing pictures, and living the exasperating life of a college student who intends to get more out of their educational experience than just a six-pack and arrest record. [GADGET smiles and waves, then skips off backstage. OSCAR moves back to center stage, and turns to address the camera.] OSCAR: And to kick off the Platos awarded to various websites, one more quote from John Nowak’s _Icarus_. This is becoming a habit, isn’t it? [ZOOM IN on the large screen in back as it plays said “clip”:] "A chipmunk named Chip sent me email asking how I'd sabotage a life support system to murder someone." He looked apologetic. "If it were about gear ratios or something I wouldn't bring it up with you, but I feel a bit odd answering a question like this from a stranger..." [The word “Website” fades in to replace the “clip”. ZOOM BACK OUT.] OSCAR: Our first Plato will be presented by two guys who have a lot of knowledge with navigating through mazes, similar to those that websurfers do. And these guys pack their own power source, too. Let’s all welcome Sparky and Buzz! [SPARKY and BUZZ, dressed in tuxes, smile and wave as they enter stage left, walking over to the podium while the orchestra pit plays Chumbawamba’s “Amnesia”.] SPARKY: Well, here we are to present the Plato for... uh... BUZZ: Best Content. SPARKY: [unsure] I thought we were presenting the Plato for the website with holds the most best selection of Ranger-related works, where you can keep coming back time and again for different reasons? BUZZ: We are, Sparky. SPARKY: Oh! Then this Plato is for Best Content then. [he smiles at the camera] BUZZ: [smiling] Sharp as ever, buddy. SPARKY: Thanks! [glancing at BUZZ] Why are you wearing a tuxedo? BUZZ: [chuckling, and facing the camera] The nominees are: The DAFT Archives ... The Foxglove Feature ... Everything Rescue Ranger ... The R-anger Files ... The RRDatabase. [SPARKY starts searching for the envelope in his jacket.] SPARKY: [worried] I can’t find the envelope.... [As he continues to search, a stagehand walks over and hands him the envelope. SPARKY takes it, nods a thanks to the stagehand (who then leaves), and continues to search his jacket.] SPARKY: [handing the envelope to BUZZ] Here; I can’t search for the envelope effectively while I’m holding this. [BUZZ smiles, nods, and takes the offered envelope. While SPARKY continues to dig through his pockets, pulling out small springs, gears, and notepads, BUZZ opens the envelope and reads the card.] BUZZ: The award goes to The RRDatabase! [Cheers and applause.] SPARKY: [giving up the search] Why are they cheering? BUZZ: [shrugs, then turns to the audience] On behalf of the Database, we accept this Plato. Thanks everyone! SPARKY: [with a worried look to BUZZ] You feeling okay, pal? BUZZ: Yep! Find the envelope? SPARKY: No, but I think I left it backstage, maybe by the water cooler. Come on. [They exit, and the camera switches over to OSCAR.] OSCAR: Our next guests know all about law and order, and so who better to present a Plato dealing with the order things are put together on a website? Please help me in welcoming Officer Kirby, and Officer Muldoon! [KIRBY and MULDOON enter onstage, in full uniform. The orchestra plays the “Dragnet” theme while the audience applauds, and as they step behind the [perfectly-sized] podiums, the officers give a friendly salute to the assembled crowd.] KIRBY: We are here to present the Plato for Best Layout. MULDOON: As police officers, we’re called upon to track down criminals and vagabonds through the back alleys and side streets of the big city all the time. Knowing the area helps out a lot when trying to corner the culprit. KIRBY: Right. And believe me, the city’s designers could learn a thing or two from the following websites. MULDOON: Foxglove Feature Page. KIRBY: Gadget Hackwrench and the Rescue Rangers. MULDOON: Julie’s Rescue Rangers Page. KIRBY: The RRDatabase. MULDOON: RR Russian Group Page. KIRBY: And the winner is... [He pulls out the envelope from his uniform and opens it, reading the card.] KIRBY: The Foxglove Feature Page! Way to go! [You guessed it -- another ear-splitting squeal of delight from FOXGLOVE, who flies down to the stage. Apparently, KIRBY and MULDOON have shrunk, as FOXGLOVE is about the same size as them.] FOXGLOVE: Wow! Wow! And one more time -- WOW! You guys really really really really really like me! Of course, I can’t really take the credit for this -- it goes to Jaleel, the page maintainer, for keeping everything nice and easy to navigate through. Thanks a whole whopping huge big ol’ bunch everyone! I love you so much it hurts! [She exits offstage as the camera CUTS BACK to OSCAR.] OSCAR: In this Age of Information, inquiring Rangerphile minds want to know... usually anything related to their beloved series. Our next Plato goes to the website which has been best able to satisfy this thirst, and is presented by a man who’s job is all about knowing current and up-to-date information -- especially concerning the best delis near the police station. Ladies and gentlemen; Sergeant Spinelli! [Applause as SPINELLI, also in full uniform, walks over to the podium. For him, the orchestra has chosen to play the theme from “Law & Order”.] SPINELLI: Thank you. In order to best preform my job, I need to constantly keep up to date on the who’s, why’s, and where’s of the criminal world. Likewise, for a website to truly help out the community, it needs to keep up to date on the who’s, why’s, and where’s of Ranger-related information. The Plato for Most Informative will be awarded to one of these information brokers to the Rangerphiles: Everything Rescue Ranger ... Foxglove Feature Page ... Gadget Hackwrench and the Rescue Rangers ... Julie’s Rescue Rangers Page ... The RRDatabase. [SPINELLI pulls out the envelope from his jacket, opens it, and reads it.] SPINELLI: And the winner is The RRDatabase! [Applause and cheering.] SPINELLI: On behalf of the Database, I accept this Plato. Thank you, everyone! [He heads backstage. CUT BACK to OSCAR.] [OSCAR applauds with the audience, then speaks.] OSCAR: There are a great deal of websites out there on the Internet. So how do you make yours stand out from the rest? The answer is by providing a section, or sections, which are not only entertaining and informative, but also original in the Rangerphile online community. So please help me welcome three of the most original women to ever come out of the Rescue Ranger series; Lady Clutchcoin, Mrs. Clutchcoin, and Vanda Clutchcoin! [Much applause and cheering as the three Clutchcoins stride onstage to the podium. They don’t recognize that the orchestra is playing, “I Think I’m A Clone Now”, which is probably for the best.] VANDA C.: Originality is indeed a trait which we, as the wealthy uppercrust, can all appreciate. LADY C.: The Plato for Best Original Section is meant to recognize the large amount of the time and work that various website maintainers have put into their web pages. MRS. C.: Web pages that are unique among the sixty or so Ranger sites currently known of. VANDA C.: The nominees are: LADY C.: Gadget’s Go-Coaster, from Julie’s Rescue Rangers Page. MRS. C.: International Order of Gadgetphiles, from The Boz’s Gadget Hackwrench Page. VANDA C.: Kat’s Tales from the Messageboards, from Gadget Hackwrench and the Rescue Rangers. LADY C.: The Rangerphile Directory, from Framwinkle's Rescue Ranger page!. MRS. C.: Super Gigantic Episode Guide, also from Julie’s Rescue Rangers Page. VANDA C.: And the winner is.... [A stagehand walks onstage, hands LADY C. the envelope, then leaves. LADY C. opens the envelope, MRS C. removes the card within, and VANDA C. reads it.] VANDA C.: Kat’s Tales from the Messageboards! [Loud applause and cheering. LADY C. Leans over to the microphone.] LADY C.: On behalf of Kat, we shall accept this Plato for her. [They head backstage as the camera switches back to OSCAR.] OSCAR: And here to present the Plato for Best Web Site Maintainer, a man who can appreciate the insanity that comes with editing HTML codes and Java scripts, Professor Norton Nimnul! [NIMNUL enters stage left, the audience applauding politely while the pit churns out a startlingly effective version of “Weird Science”.] NIMNUL: As most evil geniuses will tell you, control is what puts the truly great minds above the pattering brainless peons that were meant to be ruled over. These five individuals are already showing their superior understanding of this important concept, by constantly providing excellent service on their websites with frequent updates, correcting links, and improving he efficiency of their sites. They are: Julie Bihn, for Julie’s Rescue Rangers Page ... Honywumpus, for The DAFT Hatchlings page ... Jaleel, for The Foxglove Feature ... Natasha Kashefipour, for The Acorn Cafe ... Matt Plotecher, for The RRDatabase. [NIMNUL pulls the envelope from his jacket, opens it, and reads it.] NIMNUL: And the winner is Honywumpus! [Much applause and cheering.] NIMNUL: Honywumpus was unable to attend tonight, but did send this short note for us to read: "Thank you! I'd like to dedicate this to everyone who has contributed to DAFT, because without you I wouldn't have anything to put up on the web!" That said, I will accept this Plato on her behalf and add it to my own for use as an electric current bridge in my next invention. [He nods to the crowd, then leaves for backstage. The camera switches back to OSCAR at center stage.] OSCAR: Our last Plato in this group goes to the Best Website, overall, in the Rangerphile community. Please help me in welcoming two guys who have been through a number of adventures on several websites, Indy and E-Man! [A flash of light signals the opening of the E-Portal backstage. E-MAN and INDY step through onto the stage, wearing tuxedos. INDY is wearing his fedora, of course. “The Raiders March” (aka Indy’s theme) is played jubilantly by the orchestra.] INDY: Why did you tell the rental you wanted "penguin suits"? We almost ended up coming as villains! E-MAN: Uh, Indy? We're on stage... [INDY turns around and notices the increasingly impatient audience.] INDY: Oh, hi! Well, let's get on with it, shall we? E-MAN: The award for best website goes to the Rangerphile website that epitomizes what it means to be a fan of the Rescue Rangers. This site represents the spirit of the Rangerphiles, and is a primary example of why so many have gathered under one banner. INDY: With so many deserving sites out there, this selection was difficult. Still, our esteemed panel of judges separated the wheat from the chaff and came up with these five finalists: E-MAN: The Acorn Cafe--The defining site of the Rangerphile community... INDY: Everything Rescue Ranger--Paltiel's "if it's Rangers, it's here" collection... E-MAN: Foxglove Feature Page--Devoted to the sweetest bat in the universe... INDY: Internet Gadget Archive--Gadget, Gadget everywhere. What else does one need, E-Man? E-MAN: The RRDatabase--Someplace great to put all the fan work and pictures, obviously! INDY: And now, the envelope... [he pulls it from his tux, opens it, and reads it] and the winner for best website is The Acorn Cafe! E-MAN: Well deserved! Bravo! [CUT TO: NATASHA in the audience, who shrieks with delight and quickly jumps up, lifting her skirt up enough to sprint down the aisle to the stage. She gladly takes the Plato and beams out over the crowd.] NATASHA: [grinning] Wow, The Acorn Cafe won! I'm flattered. At first, I was going to begin this speech with the Acorn Cafe's history, but after it reached more than a page and a half I figured that, unlike Monterey Jack, I'll spare everyone my redundant stories and get to my point, as most of you know the story anyway. [she smirks] First off, I would like to give everyone who posts there a big THANK YOU for help making The Acorn Cafe what it is today. It's one of my favorite websites, too. Not because I run it, but because of all the people there and what everyone has put into it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. We've all been through so much at the Cafe. We've laughed, we've cried, we've screamed at each other over who Gadget is going to end up with and where the Rangers *really* live more times than we can count, but in the end, it all boils down to one thing. That this little community, made up of ordinary people with one common interest, are one of the most tightly-knit groups I've ever seen and I am PROUD to say that I'm a part of it. [she smiles widely] Who knew that 10 years ago as I sat in front of the TV and watched RR for that first wonderful time, it would lead to this? That I would become the maintainer of The Acorn Cafe, meet all of you and form the friendships I have, and stand here today before all of you accepting an award that you all so kindly nominated me for? I cannot thank all of you enough. I don't have words for the gratitude I feel towards everyone. Each one of you has made such a big impact in my life in your own special way, and I'm eternally grateful for that. You all honestly have helped me with my real life in a lot of ways, and I truly feel that I'm a better person after meeting all of you. Thank you, my dear, dear friends. The Acorn Cafe does not belong to me; it belongs to us all. [She exits backstage with a happy sigh. CUT BACK to OSCAR.] OSCAR: [solemnly, but with a smile] And now, ladies and gentleman, for our last Plato of the evening. Please, I ask all of you to welcome the return to the stage of the namesake of our humble awards, Plato. [Huge amounts of applause and cheering rock the Coffeehouse as PLATO steps from backstage. He walks to center stage, shakes hands with OSCAR, exchanges a few comments which OSCAR nods and grins to, then heads over to the podium. The orchestra is playing the theme to “Battlestar Galactica” for some reason.] PLATO: [as the applause gradually dies down] Thank you. Thank you. Now, over the course of this evening, each of the Rangers has presented one of the nominees for Honorary Ranger. Some better than others, it would seem [light laughter from him and the audience]. This final Plato is really nothing more than to let the recipient know that all the hard work, time, and effort which has been put into keeping the Rangers alive and strong, ten years after their inception, has been noticed by others. And is very much appreciated. All of tonight’s nominees have helped to keep moving the Rangers forward. They have inspired others, encouraged others, helped others, and praised others for work concerning the Rangers. Everyone here tonight has done something to help out, and hopefully, will continue to do so. But these five have gone above and beyond the call of duty, for nothing more in return than the satisfaction in knowing that they were helping their favorite series to grow and thrive beyond the boundaries of television. For that, we all thank them. Their contributions will not be soon forgotten. Once more, they are: Robert Hollingshead ... Matt Plotecher ... Natasha Kashefipour ... Jeff Pierce ... Julie Bihn. [Nervous silence as Plato withdraws a small envelope from his jacket, places his glasses on, and ever-so nonchalantly opens the envelope. He takes his time reading the card, then calmly tucks it back in the envelope, which he then returns to his jacket pocket. Smiling at the audience’s anxiety, he grips the sides of the podium and leans forward to the microphone.] PLATO: Would Miss Natasha Kashefipour-- [The audience virtually explodes in cheers, whistles, and applause. PLATO has to strain to be heard over the din of celebration.] PLATO: --please join me on stage to receive her Plato? [CUT TO: NATASHA, who is ecstatic over the announcement. Again, she quickly rises from her seat and quickly races down the aisle to the stage. She gives PLATO a large hug, and steps up to the podium, taking a moment to catch her breath and collect her thoughts.] NATASHA: What can I say about being picked for this highly-prestigious award? TOO-RA-LOO! [INTERCUT: MONTEREY laughs and claps.] Wow, Honorary Ranger -- Now I know how Flash the Wonder Dog feels! I was just SO flattered to even be *considered* for Honorary Ranger. If it had ended right there and someone else had won this award, the mere nomination truly would have been enough for me. But you guys had to go and pick me for the actual award, too! [she smiles broadly] I'm speechless. This award obviously entails that the person who receive it have a high understanding of RR and has contributed something astonishing to the RR community, and to know that you all think I am worthy of those requirements blows me away. I really think there are a lot of others that deserve this award a heck of a lot more than I do. Each person nominated on the list for Honorary Ranger has done something outstanding that I think is very deserving of this award. I even know Rangerphiles that were not nominated that are worthy of Honorary Ranger. You can see why I honestly was surprised when *I* won it. I'm not just saying this to be modest or humble, but I really think I was least worthy of Honorary Ranger on that list. I think know my RR stuff fairly well, and I've tried to contribute things to show that, but the others have qualities that just surpass me. I don't think I have anywhere near the dedication to my webpage or my fanfics -- even RR -- as the other nominees. And as for creating The Acorn Cafe, I just got lucky and had the idea first. Anyone could have done it. But what I really want to say before I'm finished is how much I personally appreciate each one of you that made me not want to give up on RR: Edward Baird: You've been there for me through thick and thin, and you've *always* been there to pick me up when I'm down. You constantly intrigue me with your wonderful ideas, and you help me stay fresh on my RR trivia -- you're the MASTER of RR quotes, Eddie! You're a very, very special person to me, and I love you for all you've done for me. Thank you, my dear... [she gives him a warm smile] The J.A.M: "Cousin", what can I say to you? I can tell you just about anything, and you've given me so much advice that I use on a daily basis. I feel that I have grown because of your patience, care, and guidance. There are no words I have that can possible express my gratitude to you. Thank you. Julie: I know we had some rough times at first, but I just want you to know what a valuable friend I consider you to be. I've always appreciated the things you've done for me, and your wonderful contributions to the community. You're such a creative individual. You could have won this award easily. Tom: My friend, thank you for being there for me. I know I can tell you anything, and I always enjoy talking to you. It's been great to have another Chipphile to talk to. [she grins] You've done a lot for me and the community as well, and I'm very thankful for it. Natasha Ortiz: Girl, you gave me a new outlook on life itself. I owe you a lot of thanks. You're one of the most trustworthy and caring people I know in my life, and I'm really glad to have you as a pal. Hey, I like "Grease 2" better than the first now, ya happy? [she winks] I owe you more than I can ever possibly give you. Thanks... Matt Plotecher: You are very wise, and I've learned a lot from you, as well about RR. I always enjoy your input about anything, and I value your advice. I feel as though you have led me in the right direction numerous times, and I'm eternally thankful for your help and your friendship. You were very deserving of Honorary Ranger, too. Chipette: I've only known you a short time, yet I feel you are one of my best friends. I can tell you anything, and I enjoy hearing all of your ideas and your WONDERFUL artwork. I know you're going to go a long way in your life. Karl: Never once have you ceased to make me laugh, you crazy Rangerphile. Thanks for sharing your -- weird -- thoughts with me and for comforting me when I needed it most. I appreciate it always. [she smiles widely again] Dale: You're one of the nicest guys I've ever met. Thanks for all you've shared with me, and for being a good friend. Indy: You're a very wonderful friend with kind things to say, and I have always appreciated you. Vornoff: Your crazy handle names and bizarre quotes always keep me smiling. Thanks for the laughs and your friendship. Bjorn: Thanks for putting up with my continuous begging for screen captures and so fourth. [another broad grin] I'm glad you decided to join us all. Aivars: You've given us all so much, and I consider you a good friend. I have always been touched by your kindness. Kat: You have one of the coolest webpages, and you're one of the most awesome Rangerphiles I have met yet. [she laughs] Thanks to you and Monty for hosing down the "pro" and "anti" camps when needed, and for being The Acorn Cafe's archivist. I never got around to telling you how much I appreciate what you have done. Thanks a lot. Robo|\|erd: You were the very first Rangerphile I ever talked to, and I have always valued you as well. You started a lot of new things in this community and I appreciate it. Roy Neal: My friend, you are a really special guy, and a good friend to me. Thanks for being there for me, and for being brave. I admire you very much. Rachel: [she grins widely] One of the funniest people to talk to, in my opinion. Thanks for being there for me, and for giggling over Chip with me. You're a wonderful friend and a great person, "Cheezer." [she laughs a bit] Jaleel: You started a whole new wave of Foxyphiles. [another friendly grin] The dedication you have to your awesome webpage always leaves me in awe. Thanks for being there for me and for giving us all so much. John Nowak: One of the most intelligent guys I know. Thanks for sharing your ideas with me, and for helping me out with the Cafe. I owe ya one. John Davidson: Thank you so much for giving all the RR fanfics a home, and for being a good friend. Chipper: I have always enjoyed having you as a friend and your kind words. Thank you. Honywumpus: I respect you so much, as the Almighty Leader of DAFT and a Rangerphile. [she grins again] I value your advice on being a messageboard maintainer very much, and you've done a lot for me. Thank you. I know there are people I have missed, and I apologize profusely for that. Just because I didn't thank you personally doesn't mean I wasn't thinking of you, though! I owe EVERYONE I've ever met in the community something, and there's no words I can think of to fully express it. My love for RR grows because of this community. Thank you, everyone. I appreciate you all sitting through my speech, too. You know that I just prattle on incessantly if given the chance. You've seen my e- mails. RESCUE RANGERS AWAY!!! [She exits backstage with PLATO to much applause and cheering. EMMY and OSCAR walk onstage to the center, looking out over the audience.] EMMY: Well everyone, that finally wraps things up for us tonight. OSCAR: Thanks again for turning out this very special evening. We hope you all had fun tonight, and will continue to pursue an interest in the Rangers for at least another ten years. EMMY: And thanks also go to all the help we had putting this show together. It was a bit more work than we first suspected. OSCAR: [mumbling] Not counting Matt’s huge delay to get things to this point-- [EMMY not-so-discreetly elbows him.] EMMY: For you folks at home, thanks for tuning us in! And to all our attendees, remember to stop by the Cafe & Bar for some refreshments before the Coffeehouse transports you back to your respective timelines. OSCAR: So, until we next see you, take care everyone! [They wave enthusiastically as the camera TRUCKS OUT while the orchestra plays the closing Ranger theme in the background. When the camera reaches a WIDE ANGLE of the entire Coffeehouse, DISSOLVE to the CAFE & BAR while the credits roll.] THAM: [flagging down CLAIRE] Excuse me, miss? CLAIRE: [pad out, her pen poised] Yes sir, how can I help you? THAM: I couldn't help overhearing... you said you were raised by ninja. [He leans forward.] I, too, am a part of that great brotherhood. With which house are you aligned? CLAIRE: [adjusting her apron nervously] Erm... well, when I say ninja, I don't exactly mean ninja ninja... more sort of 'Kung Fu: the Legend Continues.' THAM: [a bit disappointed] Ah. So these would be, what, Shao Lin monks then? CLAIRE: Well, no... I wasn't actually raised by ninja... but I have watched an awful lot of television, if that helps... I'll just be going now. [CLAIRE'S naturally-red face burns even brighter as she retreats from the Japanese mouse.] JIFFY: [passing by] You really shouldn't go around saying you were raised by ninja. CLAIRE: Hey, lifelong martial arts training; 'Sailor Moon' marathon. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, for most practical purposes. It's just that seventy-two of the seventy-four ways involve magic powers of some kind. [She scampers back into the kitchen. KAN steps up next to THAM.] KAN: Since when were you a ninja? THAM: Hmm? Ninja? Me? My dearest Kan, you must have misheard. The ninja do not exist. KAN: [dubiously] Uh-huh. [PAN over to the bar, coming to a stop on LAWAINEE. She downs another glass of champagne and looks at the closest guests.] LAWAINEE: [Loudly, slightly slurred] Well, if I wasn't in run-ups, then at least I’ll have the fun there--here. Wherever. [She aims for new bottle from the bar, but only finds empty ones. Just as she’s about to deliver her speech about the lack of service here, ALEX at last catches up with her, pulling her aside from the bar -- as far as he can without raising too much protest from her.] ALEX: [sharply] What are you doing? LAWAINEE: Having fun... hic. ALEX: Getting drunk is more precise. [LAWAINEE looks at him curiously, wondering why he just repeated what she said.] LAWAINEE: I need to meet Widget.... ALEX: You need a bed, and an icebag on your forehead, not some meeting. LAWAINEE: I need to meet Widget! She has to have some big guns, even if she claims she had destroyed them all, and I need something big to take out Russia! ALEX: [gasping] WHAT? What did Russia do to *you*? LAWAINEE: Nothin’... hic. [she closes her eyes for a moment, sobering a bit, then looks back to ALEX] But the Boss is busy translating their stories. I have to end that... hic! There was one... Loki. Who is writing _Last Ranger_... and Vlad has two more 20 page scripts out in addition to the five... and then there’s Igor's _Sixth Ranger_ -- on par with the _Rhyme and Reason_. You didn’t know? [She looks at ALEX with unfocused eyes.] ALEX: The Boss is busy. Besides, he’ll have another vacation shortly. LAWAINEE: Exactly why I have to take care... WIDGET!!! ALEX: Shh! LAWAINEE: [looking around] WIDGET! A-BOMB FOR RUSSIA! [Alex closes a paw over her mouth, silencing further protests] Mmmm... Mmm!!! [ALEX frantically looks for some help. Being the responsible bartender he is, MEL quickly aids ALEX in moving LAWAINEE off towards the quiet booth where she can detox enough to regain the small semblance of inhibitions she had previously. If any. CUT TO the front of the bar, where EMMY is sipping at a tall glass of lemonade as OSCAR approaches, glancing around. JANICE is next to EMMY, apparently preoccupied with reading a book entitled, “Richard Creepy’s Busy Day, Busy Single Parents”.] EMMY: Oh, hello Oscar. Looking for someone? OSCAR: Yeah. Have you seen Gertie around anywhere? EMMY: Not recently, no. Why? OSCAR: [a look of puzzlement crosses his face] I don’t know. I just want to talk with her some more. EMMY: [slyly raising an eyebrow] Really? OSCAR: [slightly frowning] Ha-ha Emmy. No, actually, she reminds me a lot of my mother. She has that same gentle and graceful manner. EMMY: Uh... if you say so. Try backstage, then. I saw Hawnurra heading back there earlier, before the call for security and paramedics. Maybe she went to talk with him. OSCAR: Doh, that’s right -- I should have made the connection myself. Thanks, Emmy. [He leaves. EMMY shrugs and returns to her drink. JANICE glances over.] JANICE: You don’t seem too concerned. EMMY: This is pale compared to the riots we normally have at the ceremony reception later on. JANICE: [blinking] Honestly? EMMY: You bet. Some people just get too emotionally involved in Parcheesi these days. [JANICE tries to think of an appropriate response, but the credits are done rolling, and the scene FADES OUT. One last “memorable” quote FADES IN:] "The Ranger's where flowing a leaded of break-ins." -- _The Rangers of NIMH_, David Gonterman and Paul Lapensee [Words FADE OUT] [END] Head Writer; Editor: Matt Plotecher Additional Writing: Eddie Baird II Julie Bihn Roy Neal Grissom Steve “Indy” Hamrick Natasha Kashefipour Aivars Liepa Chip Lundsmark John Nowak Karl Schenk Jeffrey Wikstrom Chip, Dale, Gadget Hackwrench, Monterey Jack, Zipper, Plato, Foxglove, Cassandra, Canina La Furre, Jolly Roger, Desiree D’Allure, Cheddarhead Charlie, Camembert Kate, Donald Drake, Ratatouille, Fat Cat, Professor Norton Nimnul, Officer Kirby, Officer Muldoon, Mrs. Clutchcoin, Vanda Clutchcoin, Lady Clutchcoin, Sewer Al, Flash, Tammy, Queenie, Mepps, Mole, Snout, Wart, Sparky, Buzz, Sewernose de Bergerac, Melody, and Spinelli are all copyrighted by Disney, and used here without permission. All of the following original characters, however, *have* been used with permission. So there! Shadow -- copyrighted by Julie Bihn Lawinee Lait and Alex McDougal -- copyrighted by Aivars Liepa Widget Hackwrench, Juergen, and Gimcrack -- copyrighted by John Nowak Oscar, Emmy, Skip, Benny, Mel, Rufus, Kan Sune, An Tham Sun, Janice, and McDugell -- copyrighted by Matt Plotecher Otis -- copyrighted by Roy Neal Grissom (The Enduring Man-Child) Indy and E-Man -- copyrighted by Steve “Indy” Hamrick Jiffy and Claire -- copyrighted by Jeffrey Wikstrom Wescott Vance Atticas -- copyrighted by Eddie Baird II Hawnurra and Gertie -- copyrighted by Karl Schenk Chipper the JediChipmunk-- copyrighted by Chip Lundsmark Kuwani Kulinari -- copyrighted by Karen “Kat” Molliet Faith Forrestor -- copyrighted by Natasha Kashefipour All “real” people who appeared and/or had thank-you speeches quoted are copyrighted by themselves (I would guess), and their acceptance speeches are also copyrighted 1999 by them, too. For what it’s worth. The Platos and this awards presentation are both copyrighted 1999 by Matt Plotecher. All original websites, artwork, and fanfics mentioned here are copyrighted by their respective authors/creators. Happy 10th, guys.